So take my mark and journey onward little Tiefling

Title: So take my mark and journey onward little Tiefling
Rating: Teen
Series: Baldur’s Gate 3
Characters/Pairings/Couples: Everett (Male Tav named, Original Character), mentions of Axaros
Part of: Falling into a sea of stars
Beta: No Beta, all mistakes are my own
Summary:  Mornings after is not always a fun experience, Everett has no clue how right he is.  Especially when his patron leaves their mark on him.
Warnings: None
Notes: I love Tieflings!  I don’t know why but I do.  Everett’s patron is more involved than other Great Old Ones, more invested in their worshipers than a Great Old One should be.  But that’s okay, as this is fan fiction and this is how I imagine it to be. 

💜

He awoke with his arms wrapped around himself, the sun slowly creeping up the sky as night faded away.  The fire he had made before beginning the ritual the night before was nothing but faintly glowing embers now.  He must have cried himself to sleep, shivering as the chill became more noticeable.  Body sticky with dried blood, fluid flaking on his hands and thighs, he didn’t have to guess what it was.

Everett knew.

Along with the blood that has finally stopped after the bottles of potions he drank.  Scars littered his stomach where he had driven the knife in.  The subtle glow from the ground, the rust colored blood that flickered brighter before fully enveloping the area and him in a bright light.  Scrunching his nose at the overwhelming stench of decay that flooded around him, trying to move his body and cover his ears at the same time.  Pain overwhelming his mind

“I forgot how fragile mortal minds are,”  the same voice from the night before, coming from the glowing runes he had written and not his mind.  No comforting empty arms around him, nothing but nature, himself and the voice of his patron that wormed its way through his ears.  Scraping against bone and marrow to burrow further into his soul.

“So little of my voice and it drives one mad, little Tiefling.  I shall bestow my mark on you.  Take it upon yourself to indulge yourself.  For when the time comes to fulfill your duties to me, you will need one beside you.  Take my mark, so when you worship in my name I get to taste that delicious pleasure.”

The words crashed together in his ears as he opened his mouth in a silent scream as he struggled to cover his ears.  Blood trickled from his ears as he dug his nails further, anything to stop the scrape of pain against his nerves.  To stop the feeling of his eyes burning through closed lids. 

“Such a pity, unable to hear my voice the way it’s meant to be heard, very well.”

Light that had flooded flickered, dimming and dying as the scent still lingered.  Stomach rolling as he fought back the urge to vomit while his head throbbed with the words that his patron had shared.  Dropping his head against the cool stone, Everett bit the inside of his cheek at the searing pain from the underside of his tail.  Through clenched eyes he could see and feel the white hot flash of light was over him.  For one brief moment it felt as though warm hands ran across his skin, a hug from someone he knew wasn’t there.  Swallowing past a dry mouth, pushing himself up on shaking arms as pain throbbed across his body.

The empty bottles and vials, he had nothing left of the health potion he had from the night before.  Nothing to help deal with the throbbing pain.  Staggering to his feet, trying not to fall over as he felt a surge of power running through him, his mind being pulled painfully.

“Enjoy my gifts, little Tiefling.  The road ahead of you is a long one and you’re going to need it.  Find that one person you would give anything for and feed me your pleasure.”

“How?” He asked out loud to the wind, the sounds of nature, his only companion.  No answer came to him, words swirling in his mind of the first spell.  Licking his lips as he tried to form the words that sounded awkward and foreign on his tongue, surprised to see his hands glow as the spell hummed then faded away,

“You didn’t give me any instructions,” Everett huffed to himself as tried to pretend he wasn’t alone in the world.  That Axaros was still waiting for, maybe with a task or just waiting to hear more about what he learned.  Instead his hand reached for the key the wizard had shoved in his hand, frantic in a hushed whisper with instructions to go.  Run to safety, don’t look back.  Go go go!

Vigorously shaking his head as he forced himself to not think about what he lost and instead, reaching for his clothes.  With trembling fingers he dressed, he paused and reached back for his tail.  Back and tail arched, fingers trailing rubbing where he felt the pain and feeling nothing but the smoothness of skin.  A little raw to the touch, tender but nothing to indicate an open wound.  Dropping his hand, rubbing at his stomach as it ached in the same way the book of his patron called to him.

The gnawing urgency that crawled up his skin, slipping inside and whispered through his soul.  Into his heart and mind, Everett tried to shake away the desperation that filled him.  Tried to take his time gathering his worldly possessions, only to end up shoving them into the bag.  His patron’s book lay closed, the faintest of glowing as he reached for it.

Opening the cover, biting down hard on his thumb and wiping the blood that welled up on the first page.  The glowing stopped as his blood soaked into the page, his name appearing briefly before any and all traces of blood disappeared.

Carefully wrapping the tome in a cloth, sliding it into his bag.  A deep breath and then another, he shouldered the bag.  Unable to ignore the pull he felt, Everett shouldered his bag and set forward.

Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 4 of 5

Title: Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 4 of 5
Rating: Explicit
Series: Baldur’s Gate 3
Characters/Pairings/Couples: Astarion/Everett (Male Tav named, Original Character), Astarion/Tav, Everett, Astarion, Karlach, Gale, Wyll, Jornathan (Original Character reference another Male Tav named), Gale/Jornathan
Part of: Falling into a sea of stars
Beta: No Beta, all mistakes are my own
Summary:  He never thought he’d be confessing his feelings, determined to keep his secret close to his heart.  But here he was, baring his soul to Astarion.  There’s no going back now.
Warnings: Mention/references of self mutilation, slight mention of underage masturbation
Notes: this started off just as an attempt to have some smut between Astarion/Everett and just snowballed from there.  This also a way to involve Astarion into Everett’s backstory.  It’s stated in the game that Tav is from Baldur’s Gate.  And while that seemed okay, I wanted to have Everett explore.  No place to call home, only the small room that he rented above one of the taverns.  He’s not from Baldur’s Gate, but he’s deeply in love with a traumatized and hurt character, while he himself is flawed.  And would do absolutely anything for him, unhealthy as it is.  After all, Everett has never had a healthy relationship and no one has ever taught him to value himself.  So when he finds happiness with Astarion, he will do anything to protect that happiness and Astarion.

There is a line or two that was inspired by the movie Interstellar, my favorite movie.  And a lot of this was written before I finished the game, before I finished Astarion’s quest.  So Karlach is still alive and Everyone is pairing up.  Shadowheart’s parents live, I wrote that before even finishing her quest and I don’t like how it ends. 

💜

He was dreaming, he knew it and yet, feeling the wind whip against his face told him something completely different.  The smell, the god awful scent that hung in the air as all sounds around him were muted.  Just the piercing sound of silence seemed to be overwhelming, a reminder of being sealed away.

“Hmmm, I finally get a chance to look at you,” a voice he had never heard before yet sounded awfully familiar, a memory that he never had and yet had heard multiple times.  “He hasn’t been very forthcoming when it comes to you, Astarion.”  A chuckle that sounded like grating metal, tearing at his eardrums, pain that he had to fight back from showing.  “See if you can find him in his dreams, I hope you both can finish this, I’m tired of this mortal world and want what I deserve.”

Words on the wind that reminded him of Cazador’s knives against his skin.

“Don’t be surprised if you see more than the dreams I shared with my little worshiper.  Find him and know more.  Or more likely, he’ll find you, Astarion.  He always seems to know where you are.”

Pressing his hands to his ears at his name, the pain had dulled to a painful throb.  He couldn’t help but wonder if this was the type of pain Everett had felt earlier when his patron spoke to him.  As the silence faded away, the patron’s voice drifted off as sounds replaced the silence.  People speaking in languages that he couldn’t make any sense of.  It took him a moment to realize that no one could see him, no one to care if he shouted out Everett’s name.

Wagons with no horses moved on the road, blowing past him with a sound that resembled a war horn.  Hand gestures at the other wagons.

“Everett!”

Shouts from those who couldn’t see him.  Curling his lip in disgust at the scent, even if he couldn’t understand what was being said, the smell alone told him what he needed to know.

“Where the bloody hells am I?”

He couldn’t help asking himself, even if he didn’t have a clue as to when or where the hell he was.  Or wherever the hell Everett was for that matter.  As he moved, the dream around him did as well, shifting from a crowded city scene to that of a forest.  Or what was left of a forest, burnt and smoldering while pillars rose above, shadowing the ground he walked.  Smoke lingering in the sky, the scent from before still hung in the air as the sight of a metal dragon lifting into the air.  Breath caught in his throat, taking a step back and then another.  Shit, was this something the Tiefling saw in his dreams?

“Astarion?”

Twigs snapped under footsteps, Everett glanced at him then turned his gaze to the creature in the sky that continues to rise.  Smoke billowing from the creature’s nostrils as screeching metal filled the air, lights started flashing and casting long shadows around him.

“C’mon, there isn’t much to see here, just that dragon rising up over and over again,” a sound of disappointment from the other man.  “This was one of the first dreams they sent me.  I lost count of how many times I had sat here, watching that thing rise.  It would go as far as I could see, looping again back from the start.”

Astarion turned his attention away from the dragon to Everett, following the Tiefling through the ruined forest.  The dream shifted to another, more familiar scene of Faurûn.  A temple in ruin, a teenage version of his lover sat with a dagger to his side.  Shaggy blue hair that looked to be in a desperate need of cut while his horns seemed to glow from the firelight. 

“I didn’t think this memory would show,” Everett looked away, mouth downturned.  “I thought it would show another dream that they had shared with me.”

Astarion hummed out a sound, unsure if this was meant for him or not.  “They did tell me more than just the dreams may show up.  Is this where,” he swallowed as the memory Everett pulled off his clothes, folding them neatly.  Hands that picked up several bottles of health potion of different sizes and strengths.  The near silent pep talk the teen gave himself before grabbing the dagger, sliding it from the leather scabbard.  Tossing the sheath over to where clothes were folded, hands that hesitated.  Fingers curled around the hilt,  dagger being held towards gray skin while teeth were gritted as hands shook.

“Where I agreed to what my patron wanted?  Yeah,” eyes avoided his in shame

The plunge of the dagger into his abdomen and the gritted cry of pain.  He should look away, give the memory the privacy that Everett rightly deserved.  Heaved breathing as the teen cursed, the bit of a lip as he braced himself to pull the dagger free.  The splatter of blood and the clank of metal against now blood stained stones.

“How old were you for this?”  Tearing his attention away from the scene of the young Tiefling shakily got to his knees and began using his blood to write out the Eldritch words, hand shaking as fingertips dipped into the blood pooling below.

“About 14 or 15, I don’t know my actual date of birth,” Everett admitted, turning to look at him.  The grim expression on Everett’s face as he turned back to the memory, watching what he had been through so long ago.  “I had watched two men just days before this.  Which was, I guess, my introduction to sex.  They seemed to be so in love.  The promises they swore to each other, the sounds they made.”  A sigh, a ghost of a smile that failed to cross his lips.

“Just watch, I used that memory to help me finish agreeing to and signing the contract.”  A humorless laugh as shoulders hunched.

“No-”  Astarion started, catching the clenching of fingers against elbows, the trembling as the memory shifted, sounds that resemble panting, gasps of a voice.  Stepping between Everett and the memory, turning the Tiefling’s head towards him.  “This is your personal memory and I don’t know why your patron is messing with your mind like this.  Do they think I’ll like you any less?”

The press of lips, parted to protest before Astarion gave him a look to quiet him.

“A memory like this isn’t one that needs to be shared, Everett.  This is personal and private, yours and yours alone.  Do I like it when you share it with me?  Yes, I love it when you’re comfortable enough with me to be this open.  But some memories are meant to be just yours and not to be shared until you are ready to share that information,” Astarion whispered, pressing his forehead against Everett’s.  Feeling as though it was his turn to support the Tiefling instead the other way around.  “There are things Cazador has done to me that I can’t even bear to think about, let alone share.  And I don’t know if I will ever be ready to share them.”

“We’re allowed to have these memories, these secrets and not share them.  To keep a portion of ourselves to ourselves and not to the world.  Okay?”

A little nod from his lover, Astarion gave Everett a peck of a kiss before pulling back.

“When you’re ready, I’ll listen, but for now, it’s okay. Show me more of these dreams, hmm?  And if any memories show up that you don’t want to share, let me know and we’ll skip right past them.”

Another nod, the whisper of his name and the grateful look the Tiefling wore.  Reaching for and lacing his fingers with Everett’s, Astarion gave a little tug.

“There can’t be anything more ridiculous than that dragon rising up, right?  I mean, it didn’t even have any wings”  Astarion asked, keeping his gaze forward as Everett led them away.

Everett snorted and shook his head.  “Believe me when I tell you this, Astarion.  You haven’t seen anything yet.”

___

The tour through the dreams had been…interesting, to say the least.  Majority of the dreams were the same ones that his patron had shared; that didn’t make much sense until Astarion commented about how a lot of the dreams focused on just one group.  In particular, one man.  Looking deeper into the dreams gave more insight before being woken up.

“So you’re telling me that this… whole thing- the idea of falling in love, while it’s on the table, it’s about sex?”  Body felt heavy, his heart like lead while he trembled at his foolishness.  He could feel the astonishment that rolled off of Astarion, the laughter in the elf’s  voice as heat rose to his cheeks.

How couldn’t he have figured this out?

“That’s what it seems like, my glow bug,” Astarion sighed, eying him with a soft look.  “How did you not pick up on this?”

A jut of his chin, crossing his arms to protect his thundering heart.  How could he have missed it?  Dropping his head with a heavy sound.  “I guess you were right, about me being naive,” the raised eyebrow had him wanting to pout, lips pressing against his forehead in a gentle kiss.  Everett leaned in, breathing in Astarion’s scent.  Comforting, welcoming.  Home.

“I guess we’ll never know unless I ask them directly,” he said, nuzzling against Astarion’s neck.  “I’m not sure I’m even ready to confront them,” the admission slipped free.  Though content to just be close to Astarion, he caught the subtle signs the man was giving off.  Unable to be the reason Astarion regressed, he pulled away and stood up.  Offering a hand to Astarion, pulling the vampire up

“I-” scratching at the back of his head, Everett couldn’t stop the feeling of foolishness.  “I can’t stop thinking about this-”

“Everett,” used to the way Astarion would say his name, the firmness in his tone froze him.  “You’re overthinking.  Whatever your patron wants, it can wait.  Whatever mistakes you made, not figuring this out?  It doesn’t matter.”

Astarion was right, of course.  Over thinking about this wouldn’t do him any good.  Pushing away those thoughts, knowing they’d rear up later on when he was by himself, Everett nodded.  Feeling more than a little embarrassed, Everett took a deep breath, then another.  Calming the nerves that were rising to the surface, his hand was taken in a hold.  The reassuring squeeze, the look of concern on Astarion’s face.

“I understand,” the pause in Astarion’s voice.  “And it’s okay, you know.  I think we both need a break, just the two of us.  Let’s get to Waterdeep and go from there,” the offer that Everett wanted.  He had been looking forward to spending some time away with Astarion.  Getting this close to Waterdeep where their friends would depart for their own adventures, hoping that they would be able to meet up later when they got the break they needed.

“I would like that,” Everett admitted.  “Especially some privacy.”  Trying not to fidget at the look Astarion was sending him.  Heat crawling up his cheeks, he wondered if Astarion thought he was being perverted.  Which he was, to an extent, wanting to just spend time with Astarion without everyone else around.  “A rest would be nice, maybe a warm bath with you,” he sent a look to Astarion.  “Maybe a cuddle on a soft bed.  To sleep,” Everett added, trying not to embarrass himself further.  Going by the look that crossed the vampire’s face, he caught the other meanings to his words. 

“Take your time, I’m just gonna-” Everett pointed towards the flap and stepped out, the thoughts of just pampering Astarion and himself.  If exploring a city he hadn’t visited in so long would reward him with a rare finds of pleasure, items that would be hard to come by in smaller towns and villages.

“There you are,” Karlach called out, waving him over to her tent.  Hesitant, Everett saw the remorse that she wore and the apology that slipped free when he approached.

“Look, I’m sorry, Everett.  I didn’t mean to put you on the spot yesterday.  I guess I’m just jealous, you know?”  Unused to the hesitant way the fire Tiefling spoke.  The normally confident Karlach was nowhere to be seen. 

“I can finally touch someone… I get to see how happy you and Astarion are.  And I just want someone to want me the way you want Astarion,” natural red cheeks darkened with a flush.  “I like you, Everett.  You’re up front with your feelings for Astarion, even if you show them in a weird and strange way.  Putting yourself in mortal danger, which is extremely stupid by the way, shows me how far you’ll go to protect who you love.”

Karlach pulled back, embarrassed by her choice of words before confessing what she truly wanted.

“I want to be like that, you know.  Having someone to worry over, someone to worry for me-” a wave of a hand when he started to speak.  He was worried, still worried over his friends.  “Worry in a way that a lover might.  And I mean it, I didn’t mean to spy on you guys.  It’s kinda hard to get privacy out in the middle of nowhere and sometimes I need to…” she didn’t continue and he didn’t need to ask, he understood her meaning.

“When we reach Waterdeep, I’m going to see if anyone catches my eye,” Karlach gave him a little smile.  “Or if I catches someone’s eye.  I hope, anyway.  It’s been a long time.”

He nodded, a little of her optimism was shining through. 

“You know, I overheard that Rock Gnome, Jornathan?  I think that’s his name, say he’s from Waterdeep as well.  Maybe you can ask him to show you around?  He may have some friends that are interested,” Everett offered, though unsure how helpful that would be.  He wasn’t particularly close to the gnome, mostly acting like a buffer between Astarion and the gnome.

“If he’s not attached to Gale’s hip,” she laughed, a fond smile on her face,  “He reminds me of you, actually.  I’ll see if he could offer me some pointers.  Or if Gale turns him down…” she trailed off with a shrug.  “I need something or someone and well, my hands aren’t doing it anymore.”

He hummed in agreement.  If he hadn’t met Astarion, he would be in her predicament.  With only his hands to get himself off and none of the companionship that he craved.

“Anyway, I just wanted to apologize,” Karlach offered, placing a hand on his shoulder.  “I hope I didn’t ruin the friendship we built up.”

Everett could only stare for a moment, shaking his head, pulling the woman into a hug.  “There’s no way you could ruin our friendship, Karlach,” he confessed.  “You’re what I imagine having a big sister is like,” he couldn’t help but add.  “You, everyone here, it’s like the family I never had,”

“Really?”

Everett pulled back, seeing the tears that were wiped away.  He could feel tears building up and ducked his head so he could wipe them away.  Why was he so emotional about this?

“Yeah.  I mean, I never had a family.  Or family that actually cared and you had my back, pushing me to do better.  So, I guess like a sister?”

She gave a laugh, ruffling his hair before gathering her things. 

“That must make you a brother.  I can see that,” Karlach nodded, eying him with a grin he couldn’t place.  “Especially if you were the little brother,” he caught the teasing in her voice, relaxing.  “Anyway, the plan is to reach Waterdeep before the week’s end.  Gale and Jornathan left while you two were sleeping.  Surprisingly still, Lae’zel followed.  She’s starting to come around to us.  I may join her on her quest later on,” she said, voice dropping a little, talking to herself more than him.

“Maybe you’ll meet someone in battle,” he offered, stepping back as she took down her tent with ease. 

A snort, the look Karlach sent him told him what she was thinking.

“Just my luck they’d be on the other side.”

Everett gave a half shrug.  “There’s always the possibility.  Who knows?”

The nod of agreement, seeing the woman focused on breaking down her tent.  Stepping back, turning back towards where he had walked away, seeing Astarion peek his head out to see if the sun had gone down.  Getting the feeling he had been silently dismissed, Everett took a look around to see Wyll with his tent already packed, helping Shadowheart with hers.  Shaking his head, Everett returned to Astarion’s tent.

“Everyone is packing up, did you want to go with them?”  Everett asked, kneeling down next to the entrance.  His hand itches to reach out, touch and just comfort the man.

“Might as well,” Astarion sighed as he fully stepped out, Everett held his breath to see the man seemed to glow in the moonlight.  His breath hissed through his teeth, his blood thrumming as he squirmed where he knelt.  He wanted nothing more than to feel Astarion’s arms around him, knelt between his legs.  To feel the weight and taste of his flesh on his tongue.  Turning his gaze away and pushing himself to his feet.  Dwelling on what he wanted wouldn’t get him anywhere.  Besides, the faster they got to Waterdeep, the faster he could find a shop that specialized in a toy he could use at times like this.  And hopefully get Astarion to play, even if he didn’t fully participate.

Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 3 of 5

Title: Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 3 of 5
Rating: Explicit
Series: Baldur’s Gate 3
Characters/Pairings/Couples: Astarion/Everett (Male Tav named, Original Character), Astarion/Tav, Everett, Astarion, Karlach, Gale, Wyll, Jornathan (Original Character reference another Male Tav named), Gale/Jornathan
Part of: Falling into a sea of stars
Beta: No Beta, all mistakes are my own
Summary:  He never thought he’d be confessing his feelings, determined to keep his secret close to his heart.  But here he was, baring his soul to Astarion.  There’s no going back now.
Warnings: Mention/references of self mutilation, slight mention of underage masturbation
Notes: this started off just as an attempt to have some smut between Astarion/Everett and just snowballed from there.  This also a way to involve Astarion into Everett’s backstory.  It’s stated in the game that Tav is from Baldur’s Gate.  And while that seemed okay, I wanted to have Everett explore.  No place to call home, only the small room that he rented above one of the taverns.  He’s not from Baldur’s Gate, but he’s deeply in love with a traumatized and hurt character, while he himself is flawed.  And would do absolutely anything for him, unhealthy as it is.  After all, Everett has never had a healthy relationship and no one has ever taught him to value himself.  So when he finds happiness with Astarion, he will do anything to protect that happiness and Astarion.

There is a line or two that was inspired by the movie Interstellar, my favorite movie.  And a lot of this was written before I finished the game, before I finished Astarion’s quest.  So Karlach is still alive and Everyone is pairing up.  Shadowheart’s parents live, I wrote that before even finishing her quest and I don’t like how it ends. 

💜

“I saw a younger version of you,” Astarion commented later, once he fully woke up, though content to stay in the tiefling’s arms and soak up the heat that came off Everett.  “You were a cute kid,” he eyed the way color crawled up gray skin as his lover blushed.

“Did you get the answers you were seeking?” Everett asked, running his fingers through Astarion’s hair, seemingly unconcerned of a younger version of himself.

“Hmmm, kind of.  He showed me some things,” he trailed his fingers along Everett’s sides, enjoying the way the male shivered.  “I never knew you lived at Candlekeep.”

“I see, so he- I, this is so strange,” a laugh that caused Astarion to pull back.  “He told you about Axaros, right?  He was the only one that didn’t call me a fool when I told him about the books that spoke to me.  Or punish me,” his tone turned sour for a moment, something he rarely heard from Everett.

“The books spoke to you?  Like the Necromancer of Thay book?”  Astarion sat up, missing the arms that fell away.

“Yes!  Exactly like that!” Everett sat up as well, the fabric of the bedroll falling away.  Turning away from Astarion, Everett reached for his bag and pulled out a large, cloth bundle.  Fabric stained with what looked to be blood, dusty and falling apart as Everett peeled away the cloth to reveal an even older book.  Bigger than the book of Thay, Astarion leaned in to read the title before rearing back.

“I knew that as a warlock you had a patron, like Wyll.  I just didn’t realize your patron was- is a Great Old One,” Astarion wasn’t sure if he should be shocked or disturbed.  Everett never gave off any sign of madness nor the urge to kill and dominate.  Just devotion.  Love.

“Hmm, yeah.  I guess you could say they’re a Great Old One.  They’ve been forgotten by the passage of time, shunned for wanting things different than the other Eldritch gods.   Meddling in the lives of mortals and fey alike, not unlike the way deities would.”  The shrug of a bare shoulder, pages opening slowly to where Everett’s name was written at the top.

“The books, like this one, spoke to me.  Promises of fame, riches beyond comprehension.  Of death to the world and my enemies alike.  Power that no one should ever have,” Everett’s left hand reached out towards him, quietly asking permission to touch him.

A brief laugh under his breath, he reached for Everett’s hand.  It felt nice having the option to have his own choice.  The warmth of a hand, the book sliding towards him.  Language that he shouldn’t be able to read became clear to him, no pounding in his head.  Only the reassuring squeeze of the Tiefling’s hand.

“As one shall find me, know and follow.  I, too, shall know.  For when you act with my prayer on your lips, I watch.  For approval, I listen.  Know yourself and others, beneath the flesh and bones lies the beating organ that holds your secrets.  Bare them.  Bare your secrets, be truthful to those desires for denying them is an injustice that many choose to suffer with.”

“I remember reading that so long ago, Astarion,” Everett sighed, giving his hand a squeeze.  “I didn’t know what those words meant.”

“What did this book tell you that the others didn’t?”

“It never lied.  No promises that couldn’t be made.  What it told me, being that young that I didn’t fully understand, was to be true to myself.  To devote myself to those feelings and protect what is precious to me.”

Confused, Astarion stared at Everett as those fiery blue-gray eyes looked him over and gave him a smile that conveyed so much.  Fingers that laced with his, the squeeze Everett gave him before continuing.

“I fell for you so hard, Astarion.  And while you didn’t feel the same, I was happy to be by your side.”  A deep breath, Astarion waited for the Tiefling to calm himself down.  “I now know what those words meant.  I have to be truthful and honest with myself and to you.  I think there is a way to help or cure your vampirism-”

“And you didn’t tell me earlier?”  Irritation and doubt crept up in his voice, dropping his hand from Everett’s hold.

“I wasn’t sure, Astarion.  The only way that I know, other than getting your hands on a wish spell, is to talk to a god or goddess. Or,” a loud swallow,  “a patron.”

“Is that what you- child you meant?  Requiring my help?”

A nod, Everett keeping his attention fully on him.  Lips down turned, fear crossed Tiefling’s face as he waited and when he didn’t speak, Everett continued.  Voice thicker as though the male was going to break.

“Not as a contract, like I did.  But to help me complete mine.  I have been trying for so many years, Astarion.  And every single time I’ve failed.”

“How have you failed?  Treasure just out of reach?  You needed a slight hand to open up the locks?  A body to distract someone?” He couldn’t help the distrust in his voice.  “Trap me under the weight of your patron?”

“No!”

Everett’s horrified voice broke, the shaking of a head as the Tiefling started to rub at his face.  Body trembling in fear, Everett kept his head up, kept his gaze on him.  “I would never do that to you, never!  I would never use you like that.  Shit, I wouldn’t even think of it.  I failed because I didn’t have love in my heart.  I couldn’t complete it, no matter how much I tried because I didn’t have someone to believe in nor someone to believe in me.  I didn’t have a reason to try harder.”

Astarion made a sound along with the expression he wore, he was unsure as to believe what Everett was telling him.

“I’m stuck in this cycle of constantly dying because I fail.  I fail because I die, Astarion.  Over and over again.  That child version you met?  That was me, originally.  Full of dreams, escaping out into the world that uses you.  Stuck in this cycle until I fulfill what my patron wants, no matter how many times I fail.  And when I come back, not fully being reborn.  Just… waking up in the same place, the same age when I first started hearing the books and tomes speak to me. All this and no one remembers me.  Before meeting you, Astarion, I didn’t care.  I didn’t care that I died. Leaving behind the previous lives I’ve led.  Until I met you.”

“You died?  I find that hard to believe.”

He wasn’t expecting to hear about Everett dying, curiosity got the best of him and he knew, knew he shouldn’t be asking.  Yet, he couldn’t stop himself when he wished so many times for death over the course of the centuries.  Imagined and craved it, anything to get away.

“How many times have you died?”

“Six or maybe seven, I think?  I stopped counting after the fourth time. The first time happened a few years after agreeing to the contract.  Got too cocky, thought I was unstoppable.  I remember the feel of the blade entering my chest.  It wasn’t even someone I was fighting, actually.  I was flirting with someone I thought liked me.  Sure shows me, huh?  Good enough to be fucked, but not enough to be liked.” 

Everett’s hands reached for the bedroll, pulling the fabric closer and covering up.  For the first time, Everett’s gaze dropped from his in shame.  In fear that caused the Tiefling’s body to tense, catching lips moving silently and unable to hear what was being spoken.

Astarion leaned in, still unable to hear what Everett was saying to himself but catching the faint trembling to his partner’s body.  The normal healthy gray skin color was paling before Everett took a deep breath, wiping at his eyes once more.  A look of apology crossed his face, a hand raised up to his chest, an inch or so above his left nipple.

“Right here,” fingers tapping against muscle, “is where I was stabbed.  Sometimes I feel it in my dreams.  Metal twisting against bone, unable to breath.  The second time, it was here,” a tap at his right hip and upward.  “That one was a slow death, impaled for several days after a battle.  They wouldn’t put an end to it.  Said their God will enjoy the offering of my blood.”  A grim smile fell away, a moment of silence, Astarion waited for Everett to continue. 

“The time from when I die until coming to, right back in Candlekeep varies.  It’s not the same people, time passing by and no one notices me anymore.  I wake up right back where I found this,” a touch to the old tome, “as though I had never left.  Axaros, the only adult that seemed to care, was no longer there.  Of course he wasn’t there, his death was my fault.”

A shake of a head, pushing bangs off his forehead.

“I’m sorry, I’ve never told anyone this, Astarion.  You’re the first one I ever told this to.”  Everett reached for the pile of clothes that had been dropped there when Astarion carried him back to camp earlier.  Watching as the Tiefling worked the shirt over a head, carefully getting the fabric around his horns with ease.

“Is that why you agreed to become a worshiper to your patron?  Because of the death of this Axaros?”  Astarion asked, feeling the guilt rise at the way Everett’s eyes widened a fraction.  A nod of a head was an answer.

“Yeah.  I was the reason Axaros died, and I couldn’t stay there anymore. The one person who seemed to actually care for me was dead, because of me.  By then, My parents had all but forgotten about me at that point and Axaros was getting warnings from several of the wizards about his lack of work and dedication.  They had followed him down to where I had been staying.  Axaros was trying to convince them there wasn’t a problem with me staying there until they saw me reading those books, a Tiefling having the courage to read such books-”

Coughing from the edge of the tent pulled the two of them out of their own personal bubble to see the looks of concern on their friends’ faces.

“I guess everyone knows,” he commented with a look of guilt on his face for not even thinking of putting up a silence spell.  Too engrossed in listening to what Everett was telling him.

Everett stood up, grabbing his pants to finish getting dressed.  Giving the group that had gathered at the entrance of Astarion’s tent a look, Everett gave him a sad smile.

“I remembered what I did in those lives, Astarion, not everything, but enough to know I have never felt like this before.  You asked earlier why I glowed?  And I answered?  You’re the only one who makes me feel loved, the only one who takes my breath away, as cheesy as that is,” a hint of color coming back to pale cheeks. 

“Anyone before pales in comparison.  Being with you makes me want to live.  You make me want to continue, to live and explore this world with you. And to live, I need to finish what I agreed to.  I want to feel this love for as long as I can.”

Astarion tried not to look away, uncomfortable with what was being told to him.  He himself had told Everett a small portion of what Cazador did to him during their journey.  He has wondered what the other had gone through, Everett being as secretive as he had.  Thought that the other led a normal life, never really talking about his past.  He wasn’t the only one to hold their cards to their chest.

–

“Everyone here bared a secret or two, Everett.  You’re the only one who’s been tight lipped,” Wyll said, leaning forward, pouring some wine from a bottle into a glass that Shadowheart pulled out before handing it back to her. 

“I told you of Mizora, hell, you met her.  Tell me about yours.”  Wyll eyed the Tiefling, knowing that the man was holding back stories and gossip around the campfire only lasted so long.  “Everyone here knows at least a little about each other and here you are, holding back on us.”

“Really?”  Everett asked, uncomfortable with the way everyone was looking at him.  Shoulders tensing, it took Gale dropping down to his left, giving him a reassuring look.

“We’re here for you, share with us about you, yourself.”

“Like the shadow you picked up recently?” Astarion quipped, taking the spot to the right of Everett while reaching out his hand.  He knew the feeling of being put on the spot, hiding the eased feeling when the Tiefling took his.  He ignored the look that crossed Gale’s face, everyone knew the wizard had an admirer that had been following them around.  The one that stepped out of the shadows, waiting for approval from the group before taking the free spot on the other side of Gale.

“If you want to know,” a hesitant shrug, fingers lacing with his, a squeeze as the other took a deep breath in the hopes of quashing nerves.

“I guess you could compare my patron to the deities of this world and beyond to other realities, you could say they would be one of love and sex.  Similar to Lastai, if she were to take the form of a Great Old One, just more love and carnal desires.” Chancing a glance around the campfire, seeing the widening of eyes as the group took the information in.

“So you’re telling me that you had to,” a roll of a hand from Karlach, “with someone as a child?”  Concern and disgust crossing her face at the prospect of such an act.

“No!”  A vigorous shake of a head, “To sign the contract, it was- I,” Astarion listened, looking at his lover from the corner of his eye.  “I had to offer my blood and get off,” a mix of disgust and discomfort, knowing the implications. “You know, just the oath to enjoy the pleasures and emotional connection where I can find it.”

“So you align yourself with a Great Old One.  We could have used the help fighting the Netherbrain,” a nod around the campfire.  A few in agreement while one or two were undecided.  “I mean, any help would have been appreciated.”

Everett shifted where he sat, uncomfortable with all the attention.  “It’s not like they’d agree.  I mean, I haven’t fulfilled my contract with them.”

A shiver running up his back, head jerking up in a yelp as he felt his patron’s power running through his body.  Shit, they weren’t pleased.  Feeling the looks on everyone’s face, heat crept up his cheeks with embarrassment.  A squeeze of a hand, concern on Astarion’s face.

“I’m okay, I guess I could have pleaded.  Or begged.”

A pleasing hum in the back of his mind, his patron was pleased with begging, among other things.

“I’m sure they’d love the begging,” Karlach commented, taking a drink from her cup before shooting him a pointed look.  “You’re really good at it, by the way.  Astarion must be very talented,” a wide, knowing smile crossed Karlach’s face.  She turned to the others with a giggle.  “I stumbled upon them a while back.  I hadn’t heard that type of begging-”  A snort of laughter that trailed off into a jealous sigh.  “Why can’t I find someone like that?’

He’d been around them long enough, considered them friends.  But the fact that they knew or at least Karlach knew what he sounded like when begging, had probably seen Astarion take him multiple times.  Swallowing at the embarrassment that quickly rose.  Tensing his body and ready to just run off, the squeeze to his hand stopped him.

“You never did tell me what you had to do to complete your contract,” Astarion whispered, leaning in.  He shouldn’t be blushing this badly with the elf so close.  Long lashes that would hide those beautiful eyes, the way Astarion’s mouth parted, he couldn’t tear his gaze away.  It was no wonder he fell hard for Astarion.

Everett nodded, giving the hand a squeeze back.  The familiar words that he knew so well, keeping his hold on Astarion as the spell swirled around them.  With a blink of an eye they were far enough from camp that they could talk more without being overheard.

“That’s not how I thought the night would end,” a sigh from Astarion, though he felt guilty enough that everyone seemed to know Everett’s private business.

“They were bound to find out.  After all, when I’m around you I don’t seem to care,” Everett admitted, fiddling with the hem of his clothing.  “There are times where I get really w-”   Cutting himself off, Everett gave the elf a look in the hopes that Astarion would understand what he was trying to say without actually saying it.

“I know.  You give off some signs that are just adorable, you know,” a low chuckle before the vampire stepped away to eye where they were.  “Where are we, anyway?”

Everett gave a shrug, unfamiliar with the area.  They were somewhat close to Waterdeep, a few days south.  Giving a glance over his shoulder, he could see the smoke coming off their camp fire.  He needed a break, some privacy in revealing what his patron wanted him to do.

Away from the main road, near a thicket of trees they took shelter.  Casting a silence spell, Everett cursed himself for not knowing any creation spells before taking a place on the ground.  Once Astarion rested his back against a tree, Everett cleared his throat.

“You want to know?”

Astarion nodded, though Everett wasn’t sure if he himself knew.

“It’s going to sound absolutely ridiculous, because they didn’t exactly tell me what they wanted.  I had to guess with the clues and the dreams they would send,” he admitted, not completely sure.  “They want love?  Actual love and not just worship?  To actually have a physical relationship.”

A scoff, Astarion didn’t believe him and to be honest, he couldn’t blame him.

“How did you fail at that?  It’s physically impossible for a Great Old One to be in physical plane,” a wave of a hand.

“That’s where I’m a little confused,” Everett looked up, giving Astarion a wistful look.  “They gave me little clues over the years, dreams here and there, though none of it made any sense.  Until I met you, that is.”

“You’re being cryptic again, Darling.  Just speak, I’m not going to judge you.”

Taking a deep breath, holding it for a moment before releasing it.

“From the time I agreed to my patron’s terms up till being abducted, I couldn’t put the pieces together.  For years and years, nothing made sense.  I begged and pleaded for some kind of information and all I got was random dreams and hints.  But when I saw you, for the first time.  Lost and overwhelmed, when you held your dagger to my throat,” he sighed, memories swirling.

“Really?”

A slow nod, caught up in remembering.  Heart pounding just like it did before.  Never been in love, it took him a while to fully understand what his patron was trying to tell them.

Until now.

“It took me falling in love with you, Astarion, to understand.  This feeling makes me want to do everything I can to make you happy.  Seeing you smile, laughing and being able to enjoy being yourself.  This, this desire to see you bloom into your very own person, is the best thing I have ever felt.  And I didn’t realize this until I fell in love.”  A shuddering breath, feeling as though everything he worked for was crumbling down around him.  A mistake, how could he have been so stupid?  Still, Astarion wanted to know.  He forged on.

“They want to experience what we, as mortals, feel.  The love that makes me want to throw caution away and dive head on into danger if it means you can walk in the sun once more.”

A hesitant hand reaching out, holding it open towards Astarion.  Heart pounding in his ears, barely able to hear what he was saying.

“You won’t be under the power or control of my patron, Astarion.  I meant it when I told you I would be there for you, no matter what you choose.  I want to complete this contract and live out the rest of forever with you.”  Everett paused for a moment, weighing the possibility that Astarion would reject what he was offering and knowing the elf, he wouldn’t blame him at all.

“I understand this is a lot to take in, Astarion,” Everett suppressed the urge to run, he fucked this up once more.  Stopping himself from saying more, knowing that he ramble off on some nonsense, Everett cursed himself.  Ruining this, the chance at happiness and love.  What should he have expected?  With a heavy feeling in his stomach, Everett dropped his hand.

“I’m sorry,” a whisper from his lips, dreams falling around him.

“Don’t apologize, Everett.  I’m still in a bit of shock,” Astarion responded.  “I mean, finding out that there’s a small chance to walk in the sun, I’ll take it.  I’m hesitant about your patron, though.  I don’t want to be in a position like that again.  Never under someone’s power.”

Everett understood, of course he did.  He hid the little disappointment he felt, but Astarion’s safety and choice were more important than his wants.  He reached out, still wanting to make sure it was okay to touch.  Needed some kind of reassurance that everything was okay.  That he hadn’t messed everything up like he normally did.

“My little glow bug,” Astarion grabbed his hand, lacing his fingers.  “There’s nothing to be worried about, you know.  It’s written on your face,” a brief pause, the smile that he fell in love with crossed Astarion’s face.  Leaning closer, the gentle press of lips against his that lasted just briefly before pulling back.

“We have plenty of time, there’s no need to rush this,”  the hum of happiness in his tone Astarion stood up, pulling Everett up with him, bumping a shoulder against his.

“So your patron wants to find love?  They physically cannot be here.  It’ll throw the whole world off balance.  Let alone sex,” a grimace crossed Astarion’s face as he must have tried to picture something unpleasant.

“The strange thing is the dreams.  In there, cities that I have never seen, buildings made of material that shouldn’t exist,” Everett explained, as best he could while hoping he didn’t sound like a mad man.  “I wish I could show you the dreams they’ve sent, maybe seeing it would help better than trying to explain it.”

A nod from Astarion, the man looked to be lost in thought.  Giving the hand he held a squeeze, a soft “I love you” before letting go of the hand.  A probing pain in the back of his mind, one that reminded him of the parasite when it wriggled in the way.  An echo of voices, one he hadn’t actually heard since he made the contract with them, rang in his ears for no one but himself.

“A gift is given, just for this moment, show them.  Show them, for when the time is to come you must be ready.”

“You’re bleeding,” Astarion’s words cut through the pain, feeling fingers wiping away the blood that dripped from his ears.  “What happened?  I’ve never seen you bleed from there before,” a comment that had the vampire’s eyebrows furrowed.  Hands that came up to cup his face, tilting his head to look into eyes.

“See, I told you your hands are gentle,” Everett sighed, enjoying the attention.  Resting his cheek on Astarion’s palm, seeing the way lips parted, eyes widened in surprise.    “My patron spoke to me, and while it doesn’t drive me mad, it has…. Other side effects.”

“They already know?”

Everett didn’t hesitate in nodding, he didn’t bother lying to Astarion.  What good would it do other than break the trust he worked so hard to earn?

“Yeah, they know. They’re granting me a chance to share what they showed me.  If only to further their cause.  Told me “For when the time comes, I must be ready”.  As for when that happens,” he gave a shrug of a shoulder.  When he felt Astarion start to pull away, he couldn’t stop himself from asking; “Please, just a little more?  I like it when you touch me, Astarion.”

A plea, a beg that he hoped the elf would grant.

“You’re a strange one, Everett,” a sigh from Astarion.  He would have taken the sound as one of irritation if not for the small smile that his lover wore.  Corners curled up as he was caught staring.  “I have to ask, does your patron always have their gaze on you?”

Everett froze at Astarion’s words, he knew exactly what he was talking about.  Swallowing, he gave a short nod and pulled back. 

“They do and at times, they watch us,” red eyes widened, “they don’t watch often, but when they do, they feed off the pleasure I feel.  What I freely give to you, I share with them.  With the power they gave me, I found you.”  A quick glance at the sky, to Astarion, he held out his hand.  “It’s almost sunrise, we need to go.”

“Just tell me, Everett, they won’t do what Cazador did to me, would they?  I don’t normally care for anyone watching us, and there’s nothing I can do about your patron watching.  It just makes me-”

“Uncomfortable?”  Everett offered, watching the nod of a pale head as Astarion took his hand.  “No, I have little doubt they even desire us in that way.  They’ve sent…other things in my dreams, of those  who they desire and it’s no one in this world, I can tell you that much.  I think they have tastes, and you have little worry about that.”

“Now I can’t help but feel insulted,” a huff, muttered for him to hear.  “I’ve heard stories about the worshipers of Lastai and while not all of them can be true, it makes me wonder if at least a few are.” 

Astarion held his breath as the spell surrounded them and quickly brought them back to their camp.  The steps to his tent were taken quickly as the others looked up but didn’t comment.  They were used to them disappearing at random times and knew from personal experience not to bother them.

Another cast of silence before stepping into Astarion’s tent.  Hesitating at the entrance, unsure if he was still welcomed by the vampire.  Reaching behind himself, he closed the flap to block the rising sun from reaching Astarion.

“Everett, what are you waiting for?”

“I- is this still okay?”

“Why?  It’s not your fault, you can’t control what your patron does.  It makes me uncomfortable, like I said, but what else can I do?  Run away from the one person who actually sees me and loves me?  Don’t be ridiculous, come here.”

He couldn’t resist the order, the way Astarion made room for him and the tender touch to his hand.  The same way he gave.

“You worry too much, my love.  I’m new to this as well as you are.  And while I get overwhelmed at times, because this-” a motion of a hand between them, “is completely new to me.  And you, I don’t want to give you up.  We’re both trying to figure this out.”

Everett took a deep breath, holding it for a moment, releasing it and gave Astarion a small smile.  He knew the vampire was right, it didn’t help elevate the unease in his stomach though.  One step, then another before Astarion pulled him closer.

“It’s okay, Darling.  We’ll figure this out together.  For now though, I’m tired.  Come lay with me, I’m interested in seeing what these dreams your patron sent to you.”

He couldn’t resist the tug, the pull as Astarion knelt.  An almost tumble, the gentle laugh from the elf.  The reach to grasp and pull the unrolled fabric, covering both himself and Astarion.  It didn’t take him long to drift off into slumber, hoping that the dreams that had been shared with him before wouldn’t scare the elf away.

Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 2 of 5

Title: Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 2 of 5
Rating: Explicit
Series: Baldur’s Gate 3
Characters/Pairings/Couples: Astarion/Everett (Male Tav named, Original Character), Astarion/Tav, Everett, Astarion, Karlach, Gale, Wyll, Jornathan (Original Character reference another Male Tav named), Gale/Jornathan
Part of: Falling into a sea of stars
Beta: No Beta, all mistakes are my own
Summary:  He never thought he’d be confessing his feelings, determined to keep his secret close to his heart.  But here he was, baring his soul to Astarion.  There’s no going back now.
Warnings: Mention/references of self mutilation, slight mention of underage masturbation
Notes: this started off just as an attempt to have some smut between Astarion/Everett and just snowballed from there.  This is also a way to involve Astarion into Everett’s backstory.  It’s stated in the game that Tav is from Baldur’s Gate.  And while that seemed okay, I wanted to have Everett explore.  No place to call home, only the small room that he rented above one of the taverns.  He’s not from Baldur’s Gate, but he’s deeply in love with a traumatized and hurt character, while he himself is flawed.  And would do absolutely anything for him, unhealthy as it is.  After all, Everett has never had a healthy relationship and no one has ever taught him to value himself.  So when he finds happiness with Astarion, he will do anything to protect that happiness and Astarion.

There is a line or two that was inspired by the movie Interstellar, my favorite movie.  And a lot of this was written before I finished the game, before I finished Astarion’s quest.  So Karlach is still alive and Everyone is pairing up.  Shadowheart’s parents live, I wrote that before even finishing her quest and I don’t like how it ends. 

💜

Lost in thought, curious as to who or what watched them, Astarion cared for Everett once he brought them back to camp.  A few quirked eyebrows, a shake of a head the majority of them just rolled their eyes.  So used to their antics, that many of their activities were fodder for gossip and friendly jabbing.  Ducking through the entrance to his personal tent, Astarion stopped himself.  He never brought Everett inside, let alone anyone else, that uncomfortable feeling his chest that twisted and tripped.

The fact that the Tiefling respected his boundaries, giving him choices that normal people would have tried to push to get what they want.  Seeing him through Everett’s eyes, the warmth and those goddamned feelings.  Feelings that were so plain to see now, knowing that the warlock followed him around like a lost puppy dog.  Latched on to him, determination in those fiery blue-gray eyes, an embrace that would remind him of home if he could recall that far.

He couldn’t help the way his chest tightened a bit with how forward Everett had been when confronted.  No games, lies or trickery.  Just that confession being blurted out, twisting up his emotions and sending his thoughts into a spiral.  He had been honest with Everett, unsure of what to call this feeling that grew.  It had been so long since someone showed him kindness without expecting anything from him. 

Everett stirred as he placed him down, leaving only for a moment to grab the bedroll and pillow from the campfire.

“Aren’t you the lucky one,” Karlach teased when she caught him snagging Everett things, though her teasing tone dropped when she caught his expression.  “What’s the matter?  I thought you’d be smug about having some fun, a secret that Everett finally confessed to you.”

“Normally I would be,” he retorted, turning away from the woman.  “this is something I have to figure out,” rolling his shoulders, uncomfortable with admitting, “even if I don’t fully understand.”

Astarion paused, narrowing his eyes at Karlach.  “Secret?  You knew? “

Karlach shrugged her shoulders, used to the standoffish elf.  “Of course I know.  I do speak Infernal, you should have remembered that.  Still, it wouldn’t hurt to let someone know what’s going on,” she said as an olive branch.  “I don’t think you have anything to worry about when it comes to Everett,” she gave a laugh, dropping down onto the ground to enjoy the comfort the fire gave, despite giving off just as much heat as the fire.

“You should have seen him, fretting over you-” Catching his expression, Karlach snorted before waving her hand when he tried to deny it.

“Look, Everett ain’t exactly subtle in his actions, Astarion, nor in his words.   I picked it up when he’d talk to himself.  The fact that Shadowheart figured out that he was in love with you before you is surprising,” Karlach snickered at the widening of red eyes before the vampire looked away.

“But seriously, his feelings are kinda cute, in a weird way.” Karlach gave him a knowing smile.  “I guess he finally confessed to you, yeah?  He seems like the sort that would take off in embarrassment.  Despite all that, he appears to be firm in his feelings.”

The woman paused, turning her attention away from him to stare into the fire.  “I think you should get to know him. Maybe he’ll give you the love you desperately deserve.  Get to know him a bit, hmm?”

Astarion got the feeling Karlach wasn’t really talking about him and Everett, more like lost in her own memories.  He would have said something if not for the far off look in her eyes before he gave a nod.  With the bedroll and pillow in his bands, quietly returning back to his personal tent.  He wasn’t really surprised to see the Tiefling awake and sitting up.  Clothes that he had tried and failed to put back on Everett were sitting in the male’s lap.  Color dusted cheeks before Astarion gave a little laugh, feeling a little more at ease as he unrolled the fabric.  Using the bedroll to cover up what clothes didn’t, he took a seat next to Everett and awkwardly handed his lover the pillow.

“I take it that you heard what Karlach said,” Astarion guessed, a little happy to see Everett nod his head, color dusting gray cheeks that reached pointed ears.

“Yeah,” Everett admitted, peeking up at him through his bangs.  An expression of uncertainty and hope mixed together that crossed Everett’s face.  Hiding a smile as the Tiefling moved over, giving him room to sit next to him.  He couldn’t stop the sound of content that escaped, hoping it was quiet enough not to be noticed.  Astarion took Everett on the offer and sat next to him.  The way a shoulder knocked against his, the quickening of breathing and pulse jumping.  How could he not have seen this before?

“What Karlach said, was that true?”  He asked, looking over to Everett.  He expected Everett to deny it, that everything was just a lie, messing with him.  To look away and just shake his head.  “This whole time when you would speak to me in Infernal, it was a confession?”

But no, the set of a jaw and a nod.  Horns that he teased and touched, finding it hard to resist reaching out to touch them once more.  

“It is,” a deep breath as shoulders hunched, curling in on themselves.  “It should feel good that you know now.  And it does.  But that was a little secret I kept to myself- until earlier, that is,” Everett added, giving him a fragile smile that seemed to be on the verge of breaking.  “It was easier to confess to you in a language you don’t know.”

A tilt of a head a little when Everett caught his hands reaching for his horns.

“Just the tip, I-” a swallow and the nervous laugh that he had grown fond of. “I don’t think I can take another round of teasing like that so soon,” a huff of breath.

“I don’t think I ever came so hard in my life,” Everett admitted with a more confident voice.  Freckled cheeks darkening, the blush reaching the Tiefling’s ears even further.

“I never knew horns could be that sensitive,” he observed, bringing his finger a little further to see shoulders tense before dropping his hand away.  “Are they normally like that?”

The nod of a head, a peek at him before Everett reached out a hand, hesitating before asking; “Can I touch you?”

It still tripped him at how respectful the male was towards him.  Giving him the option to choose, the confession and what Karlach had told him led him down a path of uncertainty and hope.  Never had he thought he would get a declaration of love, he didn’t deserve such adoration.

“Yes,” an answer, keeping his gaze on Everett’s face as the man reached for his hand.  Fingers curling around his, Everett turning to face him.  “Sorry, it’s easier to see you,” a sheepish look as Everett held his hand.

“These hands, they’re so strong and can easily kill.  Yet, they can be gentle, like you, Astarion.”

“If you believe that, Everett, then you’re awfully naive,” he bristled, pulling his hand away.  Unable to quash the disappointment when the other let his hand go. Catching the hurt look in Everett’s eyes, flitting away quickly enough that he wasn’t exactly sure if was there in the first place.  That simple smile that the Tiefling wore was back, hiding everything behind a mask, just like him.

“I guess I can be naive, but I still hold that in my heart.  You don’t hurt me, physically, unless I ask for it,” the blush was back, the tip of Everett’s tail twitched as it swayed slowly back and forth.  “I’m sure you have questions.  You can ask them and I’ll try to answer them.”

“You’ll try to answer them?  Why not just answer them?”  He asked, withholding judgment for the poor word choices.

“I can answer them, it’s just up to you to believe me,” Everett answered looking at him.  “You shared a lot of your past.  You trusted me enough not to judge you and I don’t.  Fuck, if I could, I would go back in time and-”  Everett dropped his gaze down, digging his nails into the fabric of the bedroll.

“What would you do?”  Astarion found himself asking, curious to know.  Like he hadn’t thought about this a million times before, wishing he had a way to break free from Cazador.

“I would stop the group that attacked you that night,” Everett answered, taking a deep breath and shuddering when he released it.  “I would have killed them and gone after that goddamned vampire that made your life a living hell.” Shoulders dropped at the admission as Everett’s voice became a near whisper before the male looked up at him.  In those fiery blue-gray eyes he could see tears that built up, the back of a hand rubbing them away before they fell.

“Astarion, I thought that if you died while fighting Cazador or-” a swallow before continuing “the Netherbrain.  I would have found a way to tear the fabric of reality apart just to get you back.”

“A weird compliment, I’m sure.  But that doesn’t fully explain what you mean.”

“I would have broken every rule the gods have placed in and on Faerûn, in these forgotten realms, just to bring you back.”  Everett paused, seeing the confusion on Astarion’s face before explaining.  “I heard there is a spell, locked up in Candlekeep that would allow me to go back in time.”

Astarion paused, first the declaration of love and now this.

“I would have done anything, Astarion.  Anything.  If I went through time, I would have enslaved myself to my patron to use their power, contract be damned.  My soul would have been theirs to use if it meant I could be with you again.

“I don’t know if I should be impressed or worried,” Astarion commented, seeing the way Everett wasn’t joking.  With his jaw set and eyes narrowed.  The words reminded him of the power he could have had if he had finished the ritual instead of killing Cazador.  Almost unhinged, unhealthy and desperate.

“Fuck,” Everett sniffed, finally admitting to his fears.  “I was so scared.  Scared that I never got to tell you.  Scared that I would never get to feel you again, Astarion.  Scared that I would lose you forever.” 

“I wish I still had that damned worm in my head so I could show you,” the Tiefling tried to joke, though after everything they went through, it fell flat.  A moment of silence before Everett started rummaging through his pockets to pull out a scroll, handing it to him with a look of sincerity on his face.

“When I looted this off of Raphael, back in the house of hope, I thought it was just for detecting thoughts.  But it’s not,” Everett held it out the scroll for him, offering him the chance.  Not forcing nor doing it out of fear.  “It’s more than that.”

If Everett were anyone else, Astarion would have thought of this as a trap.  Lure him in and trap him into another prison of hell.  But this was Everett, the only one that didn’t give up on him.  He fought Cazador for him.  Not by himself, but still.  Been there to feed and keep him fucking sane.

Hesitantly reaching for the scroll, hissing at the power that came from the parchment.  “It burns just to hold it,” nearly dropping the scroll, Astarion took a deep breath and opened the parchment.  Looking over the edge of the scroll, seeing Everett straighten his posture and give a sharp nod.  It didn’t take a scholar to know that what he held would give him a glimpse into Everett’s mind.

As he read the words, keeping the Tiefling in the forefront of his mind, eyes scanning the scroll. The last word left his lips, racing through Everett’s memories.  Warmth surrounded him as he settled, watching as quickly as he could.  Everett’s memories he couldn’t sort, couldn’t decipher in what order they were.  Inside the Tiefling’s mind he couldn’t hear anything but a steady heartbeat.  Heavy, over and over and over again, racing and slowing down.  Fear tingled from his fingertips as a book opened, an invisible hand leafing through the pages, slowly before landing on the section that had Everett’s name inscribed at the top.

Ink slowly appeared on the pages, written in a language that forced him to turn his eyes away only to see a younger version of Everett standing there.  No scars, nor tattoos.  Innocent to the world and himself.

“What was that?”  He found himself asking the child.

“He wanted you to know,” the child offered, reaching for his hand and froze before looking up at him, withdrawing and giving him the space.  Respectful, like his adult self.

“I can see why he likes you,” the nod, as though the young boy was talking to himself.  “Take care of him, will you?  He’s bound and determined to go through hell just to prove himself.  To protect you, even at the cost of himself.”

Astarion paused, it was a little different hearing from the younger Everett than the man at his current age.

“Did someone protect you?”  Astarion found himself asking the boy, knowing his answer when he saw the big smile.

“Yeah!  Axaros!”  Excitement that only children seemed to have shone through in his words.

“And who is that, exactly?”

“He was so nice to me.  He talked to me like I was someone who mattered,” young Everett looked away, it didn’t take an idiot to figure out what the child was saying.  “He’s what I think a father would be like,” a soft smile sent to him, a secret the little tiefling wanted to reveal.  “You’re here for answers, aren’t you?  Go ahead, you don’t have much time.”

“Why?” Astarion asked, kneeling down to look the child in the eyes.  Blue-gray flames that held the same kindness that his lover had.  He didn’t need to elaborate his question as the child knew what exactly he was asking.

“Love.  Love is a powerful force, it transcends time and dimensions as well as realities.  Love is something we can trust and while we may not understand it, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  It doesn’t mean we’re wrong.  And he- we love you.”

A simple answer, he could easily recall when Everett held him, brought him closer while he raged.  Why couldn’t he have met the Tiefling when he was newly turned?  Why couldn’t he have been saved from the hell of Cazador?  His ached, wanting to know the possibilities.

“He mentioned that if I had died, he would have done the impossible,” Astarion tried broaching the subject, seeing the look of concern as young Everett nodded, fidgeting where he stood.

“Yes, he- we would.  We would have found a way to tear apart the fabric of time if it meant being with you.  Would defy the gods just to be there,” a sad smile crossed the boy’s face.  “We have never felt like this before, so this- you, are the most important person to us.”

“In his bag is the book that led us to the patron that chose us.”  A deep breath that came out shuddering, a look of fear that crossed the boy’s face.

“Normally patrons don’t choose someone so young,” he commented.  “How young?”

“When I found out?  I think I was seven or eight, when Axaros caught me reading in Candlekeep.  Fourteen when I agreed to what my patron was asking of me.  You can ask him, Astarion.”   Everett paused, Astarion felt as though the child was reading his soul, that the child knew of his thoughts.  A step forward, then another.  “May I touch you?”

He should say no, ask the damned question and leave this place.  Still, he couldn’t deny the child’s request. He nodded, expecting his hand to be grabbed like any child would normally do.  Instead, his head was cradled against the small chest.

Where one would normally hear the rhythmic beating of a heart, it was silence.

“You suffered so much, Astarion,” words in his mind, hands cradling the back of his head.  “Suffered all by yourself.  What you’re asking for, he will do it.  If it’ll make you happy, he will do whatever it takes.  Just know that if he does this, taking this risk, our patron will require your help as well.”

Hands drifted away from the back of his head as the boy stepped back.

“Things are a lot more than what they seem, Astarion,” the faint press of lips against his forehead, a briefest of a kiss before young Everett disappeared.  Back in his own mind, his body and camp.  Hands that held his and the worry of Everett’s face.

“Are you alright?”

He could still feel the child’s lips on his forehead, the spark of memory that the child shared with him.  Showing the devotion that Everett had for him, the love that filled him up.  Images that the male had thought up before they slept together, had gotten off to.  Some he hadn’t even thought about.  He was sure that this was something Everett didn’t know was being shared.

“I’m fine,” he paused, leaning in to rest his forehead against Everett’s shoulder.  Taking in that familiar scent of the Tiefling, he let his eyes close.  “Can I just stay here, like this?” Astarion mumbled, ready to just close his eyes and let sleep claim him.

The turn of a head, lips pressed against his forehead in a kiss before Everett laid down, pulling him along and across his chest.