Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 5 of 5

Title: Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 5 of 5
Rating: Explicit
Series: Baldur’s Gate 3
Characters/Pairings/Couples: Astarion/Everett (Male Tav named, Original Character), Astarion/Tav, Everett, Astarion, Karlach, Gale, Wyll, Jornathan (Original Character reference another Male Tav named), Gale/Jornathan
Part of: Falling into a sea of stars
Beta: No Beta, all mistakes are my own
Summary:  He never thought he’d be confessing his feelings, determined to keep his secret close to his heart.  But here he was, baring his soul to Astarion.  There’s no going back now.
Warnings: Mention/references of self mutilation, slight mention of underage masturbation
Notes: this started off just as an attempt to have some smut between Astarion/Everett and just snowballed from there.  This also a way to involve Astarion into Everett’s backstory.  It’s stated in the game that Tav is from Baldur’s Gate.  And while that seemed okay, I wanted to have Everett explore.  No place to call home, only the small room that he rented above one of the taverns.  He’s not from Baldur’s Gate, but he’s deeply in love with a traumatized and hurt character, while he himself is flawed.  And would do absolutely anything for him, unhealthy as it is.  After all, Everett has never had a healthy relationship and no one has ever taught him to value himself.  So when he finds happiness with Astarion, he will do anything to protect that happiness and Astarion.

There is a line or two that was inspired by the movie Interstellar, my favorite movie.  And a lot of this was written before I finished the game, before I finished Astarion’s quest.  So Karlach is still alive and Everyone is pairing up.  Shadowheart’s parents live, I wrote that before even finishing her quest and I don’t like how it ends. 

I started this story before even finishing the game nor fully understanding what Astarion went through. I really hope this doesn’t come across as dismissing or completely ignoring the torture, pain and the abuse he went through. That wasn’t my intention. And I struggled on the sex scenes as I fought with myself. I have a one shot in the works that is set further into the future of the story. I also want to work in other characters/tav into the series.

💜

He underestimated how long it would take to reach Waterdeep, though he wasn’t complaining.  The address that Gale has written down for them, instructions on how to navigate the city written in his smooth handwriting.  Though as tired and filthy as he was, he couldn’t suppress the buzz of anticipation at the sounds of the city.  The comforts of a bed that would bring a restful sleep to them all.

“I think the inn that Gale recommended should be around here,” Everett looked around for any signs of the building that the wizard had recommended.  

“I don’t know about the rest of you, but once we get there, I’m gonna find someone interested and have a nice night,” Karlach announced, sending him a wink as she looked around for the inn.  Everett didn’t bother to hide his smile, hoping that his friend was able to find someone that would become more than just a one time thing.  

Shouldering his bag as the building came into view.  More than a few mutters of relief, everyone wanting a full meal and soft bed to sleep in.  Swallowing back at the sight, he knew Gale had taste, not as extravagant as Astarion’s, but enough to know this inn wouldn’t be as inexpensive as he hoped.

“I want a hot bath and a snack,” Astarion sighed, stepping through the doorway.  Head held high, confidence oozing off of him, Everett could only nod and swallow, following behind the man.

“You do know what I mean, don’t you, my little glow bug?”  The whisper in his ear as he stepped beside Astarion.

“I think I do,” a smile in his voice, pulling out the gold needed for the room.  A glance at the three, the look on Wyll’s face as he was led away by a man.  Everett turned back, handing over the gold, adding a few more for hot water to be delivered to their room.

Taking the keys the owner held out, a murmured word of thanks.

“It’s nice to be in civilization,” Shadowheart commented, passing them in the hallway.  Pausing just outside a door just across from them.

“After all that time traveling, I am ready to just settle down for some peace and quiet.  I suggest the two of you enjoy it as well.  After all of this, I just want to spend some time with my parents.  So for now, I bid you a goodnight,” a nod towards them before shouldering her bag.

“I hope she stops by before leaving,” he commented, handing the key over to Astarion.  “This time we don’t have to sneak in.  It’s nice,” he admitted, stepping through the doorway and closing the door with a click.

It wasn’t a large room, nothing compared to The Elf Song.  But it was warm, a bathtub hidden behind several wooden folding screens along with several clean towels.  In the center sat the bed, one that was hopefully as comfortable as it looked.  The way Astarion eyed the window, the curtains he had parted to look out.  As much as the man didn’t want to be under the power of anyone else, Everett could easily see how much Astarion missed the sun.  Could see the longing as he stared up at the moon, a poor substitute for what he wanted.

Dropping his bag in the corner, reaching for the bag that Astarion held.  He knew the elf missed the sun, missed all the color of the world.  He didn’t hesitate, setting Astarion’s bag next to his before reaching for the man’s hand.  He should have asked and it felt wrong that he didn’t.  But seeing the longing on the man’s face, feeling fingers curling around his own.

“Do you remember the feel of the heat of the sun on your skin?”  Astarion asked, turning his head to look at Everett.  “It hasn’t been long and yet I miss it.  I miss the colors, the warmth.  What I wouldn’t give to feel it once more.”

Feeling his heart in his throat as he swallowed.  Pushing down the urge to act first, he had to think before acting.  The squeeze, the smile that crossed Astarion’s face stopped him from sticking his foot in his mouth.

“While we’re here, let’s both sneak into Gale’s home and see if he has anything that would help,” a push against his shoulder and towards the bed, walking backwards. “Makes me wonder what kind of secrets we could find that he’s hiding,” a shove onto the bed.  “Or see if Tara would let me pet her.”

Everett couldn’t stop the snort or laughter, pulling Astarion down on top of him.  Welcoming the weight of the elf against him, Everett slid his fingers through the man’s soft hair.

“You just want a cat, Astarion,” he chuckled when then his lover looked away with a slight pout to his lips.  “One wouldn’t be so bad, you know.  Though they would be best in pairs.  I can see you chasing after them,” his laughter trailed off to a muffled sound as the man rolled his hips.  “What’re you doing?”

“I told you I could go for a snack,” Astarion hunched over him and for the briefest moment he could see the hint of uncertainty.  Breathing out a sound of understanding, reaching up to cup Astarion’s face.  Smooth skin, a hint of chill below the surface under his fingertips.  A pleased sound when the man turned his head to kiss his palm while keeping his gaze on him.

“I know,” his breath hitched as teeth scraped against skin, “though you also said you could go for a hot bath.  Which one would you prefer first?”  

His question was answered by the knock to the door.  Clearing his throat, Everett called out only to be answered by a voice on the other side announcing the hot water they had ordered was outside.

“Just in time,” Astarion announced, giving his palm a last kiss before rearing back.  “Don’t think that this is over, my little glow bug.  We have all the privacy now.”

Face aflame, Everett’s imagination running wild with any and all ideas as to what Astarion had planned.  He watched as the elf gave him a look before crawling off of him, a hand held out to pull him up.

“I rather like you like that,” the comment as his lover walked towards the wooden screens, most likely preparing the bath for the water.  A glance down, hoping his clothes would hide his erection, Everett opened the door to grab the cart with the buckets of steaming water.  A glance up and down the hallway, gently pulling the cart into the room before closing the door behind him.  A quick flick of the lock, wheeling the cart to the folding screens and to where Astarion stood, pulling off his shirt.  Scars that stood out against pale skin, he could only imagine the pain Astarion went through.  

“What?  Like me being embarrassed?” Everett laughed as he lifted the heaviest bucket of hot water first, carrying it to the wooden bath.  Expecting Astarion to laugh or roll his eyes, Everett nearly dropped the bucket of water at the stare Astarion gave him.  The intensity in his red eyes, lips parted as a tongue licked at the bottom lip.

“Seeing yourself have that confidence I know you have.  Like when we’re in battle, you don’t hold back.  But when we’re together you’re more reserved,” Astarion observed, reaching for the bucket he held.  “Don’t hesitate around me.  I rather like it when I glimpse you being yourself, goofy and sweet as you can be.  A little weirdo for sure,” the laugh eased the sting from the teasing.

The pour of water into the wooden tub, steam rising up.  Taking the bucket from Astarion, bringing a full one.  Repeating until the wooden tub was half full, Everett wheeled the cart away only to return to the sectioned off area.  He couldn’t help the way his heart raced, watching as Astarion slipped the last of his clothes off, folding them and placing them away. 

“Aren’t you going to join me?”  Words tossed over a shoulder, a hand being held out.  The gaze that watched him, the trust that Astarion was showing him.  Quickly pulling his clothes off, folding them and placing them alongside Astarion’s, Everett gave the hand that was offered a squeeze.

“Climb in, I’ll wash you,” his voice low, reaching for the soap and a small towel set aside for their use.  “If you would like, that is,” Everett offered, something about the expression that Astarion wore before the sigh of frustration.

“Come here,” a tug, pulling him into the man’s embrace.   “This is for the both of us, not just me.”  Words whispered in his ear, lips against skin as the lingering scent that reminded him of distant memories filled his senses. 

Swallowing at the order, a shiver ran across his skin as he nodded.  He couldn’t deny the urge to take care of Astarion was there, to pamper the vampire.  Holding onto the cloth and soap, Everett followed Astarion into the bath.  A sigh of relief from the elf, he took in the look of happiness that crossed the man’s face as the warmth of the water welcomed them.

“This is a lot better than the bath in that river,” Astarion breathed out as heat of the water enveloped them.  Everett hummed out a response, kneeling down between Astarion’s legs.

“You surprised me,” Astarion admitted, reaching to pull him closer.  The chest against his back while his tail slipped free only to be caught by a hand, fingertips tracing the tip of his tail.  The sound that escaped his throat, he was lucky that his tail wasn’t as sensitive as his horns.  “How just a few words got you worked up.  I didn’t think you would actually do that,” lips against his ears, a free hand slipping under the water to rub at his stomach.  “To get off when anyone could easily see you.  All it took was a few words,” the purr of satisfaction at the memory.  “Watch you get yourself off, the sweet way you cried out my name.”

Everett swallowed, trying to focus his mind away from the memory.  He remembered, of course, the way Astarion’s teeth bit into him, having slid his own hand down to encircle his hard flesh.  The first time the man actually touched him in a way that wasn’t just related to being bitten, a hand pressing above his heart.  Moans that had reached his ears as Astarion drank his blood, the swipe of a tongue as the vampire had pulled away.

“I remember,” Everett replied, licking at his bottom lip as he leaned back against Astarion.  “You lifting my hand and staring at it, I could hear the laughter in your voice.”

He couldn’t help the flush to his cheeks as Astarion nuzzled into his neck, licking where he had bitten so many times that his skin was scarring from the amount of bites.  The snuff of a nose against the nape of his neck as lips kissed his skin.

“You make it too easy, my love. But the image of you ducking your head as you tried to fight back the blush,” the sigh against his skin. “And the fact that you got yourself off to my voice, that was something I wasn’t expecting.”

“You can’t blame me, Astarion,” Everett laughed as he tried to pull away, turning to look over his shoulder. “Your voice is something else, you know?  But enough about me-”

“Hmmm, I know what you’re saying.  Right now, tell me more.” Behind the words that Astarion spoke, the false confidence that laced the man’s voice was a voice carrying a note of worry as hands pulled him back against his chest.  Holding him close as though Astarion was afraid he’d disappear, he gave in and recalled memories he had tried to forget. 

“More?”

A sound of agreement, the hand on his chest slowly moved, a comforting gesture 

“I used to wish that Axaros would adopt me,” Everett confessed with a sigh.  “I think if his husband and son had been alive he would have.”  A small laugh at the foolishness of himself, believing in such wild dreams.  “It was a nice dream.  To escape from Candlekeep and just be a kid.  He told me what he was working on, before he died.  I can’t remember what it was, but it was something important,” his voice trailed off as he struggled to remember what Axaros had talked about.

The hum of Astarion’s voice, an almost silent encouragement as the hand against his chest stilled for a moment.

“What would’ve happened if he did adopt you?” 

It took Everett a moment to realize what Astarion was alluding to.  Could hear the change in the man’s tone, underneath and hidden.  Pulling away and turning around as quickly as he could in the tub, Everett knelt above Astarion’s lap.

“I would find you,” was his answer as Everett reached for one of Astarion’s hands.  “No matter if Axaros adopted me or not, I would still be chosen by my patron and would  agree to the contract.  I would have still found my way to you, Astarion.”

“I never took you for a hopeless romantic, Everett.  How could you be so sure?”  The scoff of his voice, gaze sliding away briefly.

“I’m naive, like you said, Astarion.  When I completed the ritual for my patron, I went to Baldur’s Gate.  That was my first instinct, to reach the city.  I couldn’t explain the feeling, just that urgent need to get there.  And I did-  I made it to the city and didn’t know where to go from there.”  Everett’s eyes closed as the memories washed over him.  He could still recall the vendors calling out to sell their wares, kids playing and chasing each other through dirt streets.  The smell of food being cooked and music from the bard that would play for tips as the sun sent each night.  The glances he would steal at those bold enough to use the alleyways for sex.  Curious to know more, to be included.

A sound from Astarion had him opening his eyes to give the man a reassuring look.

“That urgent need just disappeared and I was there, no clue as to why I needed to be there.  And I had no idea, no idea where to go.  My patron wouldn’t answer any questions and the begging that I made was ignored.”  He brought Astarion’s hand to kiss at the fingertips, as he kept his gaze on the man.  

“I remember what my patron told me, ‘Find that one person you would give anything for,’  For me, it’s you, Astarion.  And-”

Taking a deep breath, Everett pulled back as he placed Astarion’s hand back down.  He let his words die, leaning back to give Astarion the space he needed.  Clearing his throat, Everett fought with himself.  He made this awkward, Astarion probably wanted to hear about something else other than his ramblings.  Not his deranged dreams and wishes, his thoughts and all the stuff that ran through his mind.  Cursing himself silently, he reached for the soap and sponge, a better upgrade than what they used in the river.  This wasn’t what the man needed right now.  His thoughts and past didn’t matter to anyone but him.

“And what?  You didn’t finish,” Astarion interrupted his thoughts, leaning forward to take the sponge and soap from his hands, setting them aside.  Catching the way eyebrows pinch, lips that could promise so much turned downward before reaching out to tilt his head down.  “The expression on your face is telling me you’re overthinking this again.”

“I want to give you everything, Astarion!” His words blurted out before he could stop himself.  Cheeks heated up as his heart raced, pushing past his self doubt and forcing back the thoughts that wanted to crowd the front of his mind.  “After everything you’ve been through, Astarion, I want you to have everything.  To experience what you never got the chance to.”

He swallowed down the nerves he felt crawl up the back of his throat.  About to continue, Astarion’s voice had him stopping, listening quietly.

“I wish you had found me then and yet, I know what would have happened.  If Cazador had an inkling of you, he would have given me the order to bring you in.  Would have tormented and tortured you just to see my reaction.  Would make it his mission to see me break yet again,” the shuddering breath as arms hesitated briefly, pulling him into a hug as the man buried his face into his neck.  A sound of understanding, Everett wrapped his arms around Astarion.

“I would give anything to take away what you went through, Astarion.  To know where you were and just have been there for you.”  A whisper into soft hair, breathing in Astarion’s scent.

“What do you want, Astarion?”  Everett asked, feeling the elf pull away, body stiff.

“Right now, I think-” the shuddering breath, the gaze that went right through him.  “I think I need to be alone.”

Biting down on the inside of his cheek, Everett nodded.  This wasn’t about him, he shouldn’t take this personally.  Hoping to hide the way his heart was racing, pushing himself to his feet.  Climbing out of the wooden tub, reaching for one of the towels to dry himself.  Chancing a look at Astarion, the pensive expression he wore.  Gathering his clothes, turning partly, he gave Astarion a hopeful look.

“I love you, Astarion, just remember that.  No matter what, I’m here for you.”

He paused for a moment before turning and leaving, giving the man his privacy.  The few steps to the bed, pushing down the thoughts that rose up in the back of his mind before dressing.  Grabbing his bag, slipping the book of his patron out.  He knew the time, inside and out.  Cover to cover in the hopes he could find anything else hidden, anything he could have missed despite the years up years he had it.  There were times he hoped his patron would add things, anything that would help him.  Eyeing the bed briefly, turning away to the door that lead to the balcony, bare and open with only a hip high railing.

The smell of the ocean hit him once the door opened, stepping out into the cool night.  Closing the door behind himself, Everett pressed himself against the wall and slid to the floor with a thud.  Curling his tail close to his body, folding his legs and opening the tome with a flick of his wrist.  Biting at his thumb with his incisors, smearing the beading blood on the faded front page.  The briefest of moments passed the material absorbed his blood before disappearing with no trace of having been there.

Text glowing, lighting up his face as he paved through the book.  He had read Astarion the passage, which he first learned before making the pact with his patron.  Spells taunting him, urging him to use more power than what his patron gave him.  Turning the pages, wishing for a chance to talk to Axaros again.  To feel that fatherly hand on his shoulder.  He was so sure the man would be able to guide him, offer suggestions on his life and the mistakes he’s made.  Taking a shuddering breath, tracing his fingertips over the well worn pages.  It used to be that he could take comfort from reading this book.  Bringing him a closeness that would be his world.  If he didn’t have anyone, he had this. 

Now he had someone, someone he would take on the world for.  Someone he loved so deeply that-

“You’re realizing the teachings I’ve been parting on you, little Tiefling.”

Head throbbing at the onslaught of his patron’s voice in his mind, leaving him clenching his teeth as his nerves throbbed; ready to burst and send fire coursing through his veins.

“You should be used to this by now, Everett.  The pain should be nothing to you.  You’re in love,” he could hear the envy in his patron’s voice, and could feel the rolling anger as they wanted to feel such love.  The restraint his patron was showing was more than what others were known to have and he knew why.

“Don’t forget why you’re here Everett.  You remember so much but have forgotten what your precious Axaros told you, didn’t you?”

A hum of electricity ran up his spine, biting his bottom lip as the pain increased further.  The taste of iron flooded his tongue as he couldn’t hold back the cry, nearly dropping his hold on the book in his lap.  Memories rushing through his mind, the sight of Axaros blocking him with his body.  The scent of burning flesh, the key shoved in his hands.  

“Further back, little Tiefling.”

Further?

He tried to focus, how far back?  When did-

“Rowan would have loved to have met you, Everett.  Arawn would’ve been about your age, I bet you would’ve gotten along with him.”

The pained look whenever Axaros talked about his family, the anguish that would coat the man’s words when he would talk about his husband and son.

“You remind me of Arawn, Everett.  If I had been there, they wouldn’t have been bitten.  Wouldn’t have been cornered by angry and upset people.”

The press of lips when the man spoke, anger that would flash across his face before the man crumpled into himself for a while.  Grief that would hit the wizard at times, the books and journals he had scattered across his table.  Times he would take a chance and browse the notes-

Bitten.  Cornered with his son by an angry group of people, fear of what was forced on Axaros’ family.

“He was working on a way to help his husband and son,” Everett realized as a pleased hum from the back of his mind.  The retreat of his patron, leaving his mind feeling empty momentarily.  Pushing away the feeling, the fact that he had forgotten what Axaros had been working on before he died and the fact that his patron reminded him.  He shouldn’t get his hopes up, they hadn’t had a chance to even look for a way for Astarion to walk in the sun.  It had been so long since he originally left Candlekeep, left Axaros’ body and his past.

“There could be a chance,” he murmured to himself, chewing on his lower lip before closing his eyes and hugging the open book close to his chest.

“Maybe it’s still there.”

The fact that he had forgotten what Axaros told him, clenching his eyes tightly as he felt a wave of disappointment with himself.  How could he have forgotten?  Was he so caught up in his happiness that he had forgotten?  Such a horrible feeling, clawing at the inside of his chest.  Burrowing deep, joining in on the guilt he felt for so long, rising and pushing up memories he had forgotten and those he wanted to forget.  

Shaking his head, Everett pushed himself to his feet and closed the distance to the balcony.  Tucking the book close to his chest, he climbed up on the railing and sat down, feet dangling.  Sounds from the street below, low enough that any conversations were muffled.  

Catching the sound of the balcony door opening, Everett Kept his gaze on the streets.  People that were in no hurry, finding their way around with no purpose, no worry.  No sound from the other, just a soft grunt as Astarion climbed up to take a seat beside him.  The quiet presence, Everett hesitated for a brief moment, wanting nothing more than to put his head on the man’s shoulder.  To tell him that it was going to be okay and they had so much ahead of them.  Instead, he felt like he did when he first met the man, the urge to just touch him.  A reassuring hand squeeze or shoulder, a look communicating silently between them.  Instead, he felt like a teenager all over again, nervous in front of his love and so filled with guilt.

“I thought you would have gone further,” Astarion’s voice broke through his thoughts, a bottle of wine in his hands as he pulled the cork loose to take a slow drink.

A little smile that he didn’t feel, he should have gone down to the tavern for a meal to give the man the privacy he had wanted.

“I can, if you want me to,” Everett offered, keeping his gaze down.  “I wasn’t exactly sure if you wanted me nearby or if you wanted me to just go.”

“No,” words spoken with hesitation as Astarion breathed deeply.  “What you told me, before, brought back a horrible memory.  For a moment I thought you were the sweet boy I refused to bring back to Cazador,” a hitch of a breath as Astarion stiffened for a moment before holding out his hand to him.  Everett didn’t waste a moment, reaching out to grasp the hand the man held out to him.  Curling his fingers before lacing them with Astarion’s, he took the chance to lean against the man.  “Memories I try to forget, memories you’ve forgotten,” a dry sigh and a sniff, fingers rubbing away the small trickle of blood from one of his ears 

“I take it your patron talked to you?”

He gave a sound of agreement, nodding his head as well.

“Reminding me what I’ve forgotten.”

“And here I thought just gods like to meddle in the lives of mortals.  Your patron seems more invested in your life than you realize,” Astarion said, offering him the bottle he held.

“You’re not wrong,” he snorted as he took the bottle, taking a drink and swallowing the wine with a sigh.  “They reminded me of what I forgot, sparking memories that I had forced myself to forget.”  Taking another drink, handing the bottle back to Astarion, he whistled at the potency as his mouth tingled.  “Where did you get this?  This is something else.”

“Hmmm?  I take it you’ve never had wine made by high elves have you?”  Astarion made a sound of amusement, enjoying his reaction to the drink.

“No,” Everett admitted as he felt heat coursing through his body, color crawling up his cheeks.  “I’m not much of a wine connoisseur.  But why-”

“Why is it affecting you like that?”  The quirk of an eyebrow, lips curling up in a small smile as the vampire reached, his hand paused before he gave a nod.  A hesitant kiss, as though Astarion was unsure before giving a little further.  Swallowing back a sound of want at the little nip of teeth, his bottom lip licked before Astarion pulled back.  It took everything in him not beg for more.

“It’s known for its potency,” words against his lips, a soft bite before the elf slipped off the railing and back onto the balcony.  “Are you coming?”

Feeling like he was about to swallow his tongue, Everett nodded and fumbled briefly before following.  Closing the door behind himself, setting the book he held aside near his bag before turning back to Astarion.  Hold back his questions, letting the man guide him.  This was about Astarion and not himself, as much as he wanted the pleasure, this was for Astarion.

“I told you early I could go for a snack, and since we were interrupted earlier,” the words hung in the air and while he wanted to question, Everett nodded, feeling the awkwardness all over again.  The hand on his shoulder, the scent he loved filling his senses as Astarion leaned closer.  

“You can feed on me, if you like,” Everett offered, tilting his head enough to give his lover room.  His hand itched to reach for him; pull the man  close and show him the love he deserves.  Instead he leaned a little closer to breathe in more of Astarion’s scent, matching the man’s movement.

“And you can touch me,” Astarion replied with a sound of approval.  “Your pulse is jumping, I wonder what you’re thinking about.”  The nuzzle against his neck, he couldn’t hold back a shiver at Astarion’s breath on his skin.  The moan that escaped his throat when those fangs pierce his skin.  Taking Astarion up on his offer, his hands slid along slightly damp clothes that the man must have thrown on before following him outside.

“So much,” he swallowed as Astarion drank his blood.  Longing to feel skin against his, settling to just wrapping his arms around him. Muffled moans, a tongue licking as Astarion released the hold he had on his neck, a step back away from him. 

“Can I?”  He asked, his gaze flickered from Astarion’s mouth to the bed.  Images of what he wanted and the possibilities.

“Can you what?”  The hum of Astarion’s voice, a smile on his lips and the tilt of his head.  “What are you asking, my love?”

“Can- Could I-” he swallowed as he tried to vocalize what he actually wanted.  Shaking his head in his frustration, why couldn’t he just say what he really wanted?

The snort of laughter, Everett wasn’t expecting Astarion to reach out to tilt his head, the look that the elf gave him.  Gentle fingers on his chin while his thumb rubbed against his bottom lip.  “I think I know what you want, but you need to ask.”

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”  His tongue darted out to lick at Astarion’s thumb, trying to do more than taste the digit.  Sucking at the tip, wanting nothing more than to feel the weight of Astarion’s flesh on his tongue.  To taste even more of his scent, brand it to his soul to never forget.  Savoring just the brief taste of skin, Everett pulled away and squared his shoulders.

“Can I taste you?”  He asked, heart beating in his ears at the way lips parted in syrprise while a look of uncertainty flashed in Astarion’s eyes.  “Not take you, just a taste.  If you’ll let me.  You can say no, Astarion.  Or just hold me, I do like it when you curl up with me.”

An almost sigh of relief from the man, a hand reaching out to his and the pull, following Astarion onto the bed.

“I thought about this,” Everett admitted as Astarion knelt above him, blocking his head with his arms as the elf leaned into him to kiss him.  His words swallowed, hands pulling at his shirt while a hand reached to tease at his horns.

“Ahhh-” he fought back a shudder, licking at his lips as he tried to speak as pleasure started racing through his body.  “Please let me-” he begged as he slid his hands along Astarion’s thighs.

“What have you thought about?”  He could hear the faint teasing tone of Astarion’s voice through the pounding of blood in his ears.  “Tell me, my glow bug,” fingers continuing to rub against his horns, moving further down to the base and his skin.

“Of sucking you off,” his confession fell off his lips with ease, swallowing back the saliva as he arched his neck as pleasure raced through his body, setting fire to his nerves.  “I think about it a lot.  I love feeling you in my mouth,” he’s babbling, he knows it.  And yet he cannot stop himself.  Memories of sucking Astarion off had plagued him for so long, the scene always at the forefront of his mind.

The whimper escaped as Astarion pulled back, Everett trying to follow when he heard the word “No” in a firm voice.  Freezing, his eyes went straight to Astarion.  Fear that he did exactly what he was afraid of, Everett tried to hold back what his mind was telling him, poisoning him.  Dropping his hands off of Astarion’s thighs, back down to the bed.  Swallowing, he nodded and held still; ready to apologize for whatever he did wrong.  Instead, the weight against his chest as Astarion settled back

“That’s what you want, my little glow bug?”

With a shallow breath, Everett nodded.  “What about you?” He found himself asking, worried he was pushing his wants and desires onto Astarion.

“I do want this,” the hitch in Astarion’s voice, the hand that tilted his head just a little.  “To have a choice makes me feel-” his lips parted by fingertips once more, rubbing and dipping into his mouth.  Swallowing back a sound, licking at the digits slipped inside.  “I can’t describe it, no one’s ever offered me pleasure; bliss without wanting something in return.  It makes me nervous, I want this and yet it terrifies me.”

Everett searched Astarion’s eyes, he wanted to reach out and cup the man’s face.  Tell him that they don’t have to do this if it’s uncomfortable for him.  Instead, he held still, waiting as the elf nodded to himself, almost as if he was having a silent conversation with himself.  The weight lifting away and sliding down to his hips, back in the same position before they were interrupted.

“I never knew you were into things like that,” Astarion commented, corners of his mouth twitched in amusement as Astarion ducked down.  A brief kiss, the lick at his bottom lip and the taste of the man on his tongue.  

“There’s a lot of things I like, and I want to do with you, Astarion,” Everett sighed against Astarion’s lips.  “I want to experience whatever you’re comfortable with. And whatever you want, Astarion.  Seeing you happy gives me the greatest feeling,” he couldn’t help the moan at the press of hips against his.

A sound from the man, being pressed further onto the bed.

“And you, my glow bug, showed me so much,” deft fingers worked at his shirt, pushing the clothing up.  “What love is.  I love this,” a hand against his chest, he could only hope Astarion felt his heart racing.  “Feeling how much I affect you.  How much I love you.”

What light they had in the room was overshadowed by the glow, the chuckle against his lips.  “Hmmm,” the brief nip to his bottom lip.  “How long can you keep that glow up, my love?  I think we need to test it out.”

The weight against disappeared, he made a sound of disappointment, wanting to reach out and stop Astarion.  Instead, Everett watched as the elf took care of removing his shirt, setting the clothing to the side and working on his pants.  Heart shifting into overdrive, fabric being parted and pushed down.  Folded and placed with the shirt.  If he didn’t know Astarion he would have thought the elf oozed confidence.  He could see the brief hesitation, as though the man was fighting with himself.

“You don’t have to do anything, Astēr, this is for you,” Everett sat up on the bed, slipping off to make room for Astarion.  Keeping his eyes on the man’s face, Everett knelt on the floor next to the bed.  Biting the inside on his cheek, excitement racing through his veins

“I do like you on your knees,” the hum of approval, Astarion stepping up closer to him, pausing to rub at the base of one horn.  Unable to swallow back the moan, Everett leaned in to nose at the man’s hip.  Pressing a light kiss, running his hand up one bare leg, he stole a look up at Astarion.  Eyebrows pinched, lips that he loved to taste were parted and that wicked tongue that darted out to lick a bottom lip.  Trailing his lips to the side, taking time to nuzzle at the fine hair trailing down his abdomen before breathing in more of Astarion’s scent.  He would have loved to bathe in his scent before they had gotten into the water, etch that scent into his mind and lungs.  

Reaching for the rapidly hardening flesh, Everett looked up one last time for permission.  The nod and silent ‘yes’  before taking Astarion into his mouth.  A muffled moan at the feel of fingers in his hair, sliding and rubbing against the base of his horns.  Unable to think past the dick in his mouth, pleasure racing and setting fire to his nerves, he let his fingers wander.

Up pale skin, mapping where he couldn’t see as his tongue traced along the underside of Astarion’s cock.  Slowly bobbing his head, taking the hard flesh deeper, swallowing Astarion as deep as he could.  The curse  from above, fingers tightening in his hair and around his horns.  Head being jerked upwards, Everett looked up to see the curl of Astarion’s upper lip.  Was he saying something?  Barely able to hear anything over the blood rushing in his ears, he could only blink before pulling back and off far enough to keep his lips close to the head of Astarion’s cock.

“Is there something wrong, Astēr?”

“No,” a deep breath, eyes holding his and the shake of a pale head.  “I’m enjoying this.  I want to ask you something.”

“Anything,” he gave the flesh in front of him a brief nuzzle of his nose before pushing himself to his feet.  Already missing the weight and taste on his tongue, Everett leaned in as Astarion reached for his horns once more.

“You don’t have to muffle your voice here, be as loud as you want,” lips close to his ear, biting down hard on his bottom lip as the pads of fingertips teased him.

Swallowing down the moan, he nodded, releasing his hold on his bottom lip.

“Before that, since you enjoy suck me off,” he caught the smirk in Astarion’s voice, fighting to keep his eyes open with each rub against his horn.

“And you enjoy my horns just as much,” Everett struggled to keep the begging out of his voice.  “Ah- shit, Astēr!” he swallowed, wanting to reach out and touch the man.  Pull him close and swallow Astarion’s moans.  “I- I think you need to ask your question soon or,” he licked at his upper lip, knees feeling like they’ll cave under him.  Struggling to pull at what strength he had left, Everett tried not to let go.  “I won’t be able to answer.  Y- you’re going to make me cum.”

“Darling, seeing you like that would be even better.  Letting loose, coming undone with just your horns?  And all without taking your clothes off,”  A hum of happiness before fingers withdrew from his horns with a whine from his throat.  “I wanted to ask, since you seem to enjoy tasting me, would you-” Astarion paused, the confidence he had been showing fumbled, that red gaze of his sliding away from him and he knew what Astarion was alluding to.

“I can and,” Everett leaned in to give Astarion’s lips a lick, “I would love to.  Though I need to trim my nails before anything more than eating you,” he couldn’t stop the smile from crossing his lips at the look Astarion gave him.  Heart tripping at what the man had silently been asking him, more ways to taste his lover and with permission?  “Get comfortable, Astēr, because I’m going to enjoy the meal.”

–

Heavy breathing muffled the sounds that Astarion was making, leaving him straining to hear the sounds that he wrought from the man.  Working his tongue past the ring of muscle, his hand cupping Astarion’s still hard dick in his palm.  The push back against him, he could hear the faint curse that resembled his name.  Wishing he could sink his fingers into Astarion’s body like the man had asked, Everett settled for curling his fingers around the hard cock in his palm.  Rubbing his fingertips against the swollen head, liquid beading at the tip, trickling down.  Nuzzling his nose against pale skin, he pulled his tongue free to give the slick hole one last lick as he caught the whimper from Astarion as the man tried to look over his shoulder at him.  

“I wish you could see how beautiful you are,” Everett murmured into Astarion’s skin, moving his hand, urging the man to thrust into his hand.  “Trusting me, I love this- you so much,” his tongue licked once more at the spit slicked hole, speaking against skin  “To give you pleasure, give you everything.”

A sound that could be his name, the sudden movement and the rough hand in his hair.  Strength from the hand, his face being pushed into Astarion’s ass.

“You’re talking too much,” Astarion hissed, between clenched teeth, shooting him a glare.  “Get that tongue back in me, darling.”

Chuckling against, Everett hummed out an agreement.  Working his hand, determined to make the elf ride his face as he came.  Slipping his tongue back in, wishing for more; to take the man or have the man take him. To lick up the essence and memorize his taste, swallow and be the one to be there for him.  To show Astarion that he deserves to walk in the sun.

With renewed determination, his free hand slipped up to cup at the man’s taunt balls.  He could hear Astarion speaking, briefly wondering if it was to stop.  Attempting to pull back, fingers tightening even further in his hair, the press back against his face stronger now.  Everett closed his eyes and let the sound of Astarion’s voice wash over him as he worked to give the elf the pleasure and love he felt.

__

He could feel the shift of Astarion in his arms, pulling him from the light sleep he had fallen into.  The excitement from the night before, the taste that had flooded his tongue as he brought Astarion over the edge several times.  Letting Astarion feed as he got the elf off, making sure the man watched him lick the cum off his hands and stomach.  He had momentarily forgotten about his thoughts from the night before and now said thoughts were back, plaguing him once more.

Of what his patron reminded him the night before.  Of Axaros and the knowledge of what he was working on; not completed, that he knew of but hopefully close.  Maybe if he were to ask Gale or one of his friends if they knew how long items left behind at Candlekeep were kept.  A sleepy sound pulled him from his thoughts, Astarion pressing back against him.  Burying his face against the back of the man’s head, the softness of his hair and scent.

Maybe that could wait, they weren’t in any hurry after all and they did deserve the rest.  Still, he couldn’t hold this type of information inside for much longer.  Resisting the urge to close his eyes and fall back into sleep with Astarion in his arms, Everett pulled away and slipped out of the bed

“You’re thinking too much, darling.  Just out with it,” he caught the sigh as Astarion rolled over to face him, the blanket slipping down to bare his chest.

“I remembered something, last night,” Everett began, feeling nervous.  Which was absolutely ridiculous considering where his mouth and tongue had been.  Fingers itching to do something, running through his hair as he started to pace.  Chancing a look at Astarion, the glow the vampire had to him and the expression on his face had him freezing in his tracks  Steeling himself, taking a deep breath as he squared his shoulders.

“How do you feel about breaking into Candlekeep?”

Astarion stared at him for a moment, eyes wide before his shoulders started shaking as he laughed.  Everett watched, feeling a little numb at the response before Astarion gave him a pointed look, head tilted to the window before he understood.  The sun was quickly rising and the curtains were wide open.  Moving to close the curtains, grabbing the wooden barrier from around the bath to block what sunlight slipped through the curtains.

“Where is this coming from?  I didn’t think you would suggest Candlekeep,” blankets slipping down to slim hips and the flaccid dick he had sucked on earlier.  He tried not to stare, wanting nothing more to crawl back into the bed.  He caught the look that crossed Astarion’s face, the man knew exactly what he was thinking about.  Shaking his head, Everett moved back to the bed, sitting on the edge before scooting closer to Astarion.  He should have just stayed in bed.

“That’s the thing, Astēr.  Axaros was working on something to help his husband and son,” Everett confided, holding out his hand in his lap as an open offer for the elf to take.  “He didn’t tell me a whole lot, but what he did tell me made it easy to guess.  He was away from home that night, when Rowan and Arawn were attacked.”

He watched as Astarion eyed his hand for a moment, reaching out to clasp his hand.  Giving the hand a gentle squeeze, Everett continued.

“He was working on a way to allow Rowan and Arawn to walk in the sun again.  His husband and son had fallen into such despair after they were turned, Axaros couldn’t bear it.  Before he got a chance to actually finish it their neighbors took it upon themselves to punish the two for something they didn’t want.”

“Are you sure this is actually true?”  Astarion asked as he composed himself, watching him with interest.

“As much as I can remember, yes,” Everett nodded.  “He didn’t elaborate what went into it.  But whenever I was in his quarters, he had notes, journals and scrolls scattered around his room.  This- this could be what can help you be in the sun again,” pressing his lips and holding the hand gently, he watched as a range of emotions cross Astarion’s face.

“Was it Cazador that attacked them?”  The venom in Astarion’s voice didn’t bother him, though he didn’t wince when Astarion’s grip on his hand tightened.

Everett shook his head.  “I doubt it, Axaros mentioned that they had a home outside of Elturel.  He never mentioned someone by that name to me.  But if his journals and notes are still there, we could use them.”

Astarion made a sound of agreement, though his expression didn’t change.

“Given how long it’s been, do you think they’d still have his notes?”

He shrugged, unsure of how to answer.  “I can only guess that they packed everything up for a family member to claim his property.  That’s why I wondered if you’d be up for breaking into Candlekeep.”

“Darling, it’s been too long since we’ve done something big like that,” the sigh as Astarion pushed him on his back to crawl over him.  “We should start off small, like getting into Gale’s tower, hmmm?”

Everett held his breath, watching as Astarion just settled down against him with a sound of relief, enjoying the weight of his lover against him.  A nuzzle against his neck, the lick at skin as he brought his arms around Astarion.  “Sure, let’s do that.  Right now, I think we’ve earned this rest.”

“Don’t think that’s all we’re doing,” Astarion mumbled into his neck as he drifted off to sleep once more.  Everett hummed out a sound, closed his eyes and pushed back the thoughts of Candlekeep.  The plans they would have to come up with could wait, he would take cuddling Astarion over trekking across the wilderness any time.

So take my mark and journey onward little Tiefling

Title: So take my mark and journey onward little Tiefling
Rating: Teen
Series: Baldur’s Gate 3
Characters/Pairings/Couples: Everett (Male Tav named, Original Character), mentions of Axaros
Part of: Falling into a sea of stars
Beta: No Beta, all mistakes are my own
Summary:  Mornings after is not always a fun experience, Everett has no clue how right he is.  Especially when his patron leaves their mark on him.
Warnings: None
Notes: I love Tieflings!  I don’t know why but I do.  Everett’s patron is more involved than other Great Old Ones, more invested in their worshipers than a Great Old One should be.  But that’s okay, as this is fan fiction and this is how I imagine it to be. 

💜

He awoke with his arms wrapped around himself, the sun slowly creeping up the sky as night faded away.  The fire he had made before beginning the ritual the night before was nothing but faintly glowing embers now.  He must have cried himself to sleep, shivering as the chill became more noticeable.  Body sticky with dried blood, fluid flaking on his hands and thighs, he didn’t have to guess what it was.

Everett knew.

Along with the blood that has finally stopped after the bottles of potions he drank.  Scars littered his stomach where he had driven the knife in.  The subtle glow from the ground, the rust colored blood that flickered brighter before fully enveloping the area and him in a bright light.  Scrunching his nose at the overwhelming stench of decay that flooded around him, trying to move his body and cover his ears at the same time.  Pain overwhelming his mind

“I forgot how fragile mortal minds are,”  the same voice from the night before, coming from the glowing runes he had written and not his mind.  No comforting empty arms around him, nothing but nature, himself and the voice of his patron that wormed its way through his ears.  Scraping against bone and marrow to burrow further into his soul.

“So little of my voice and it drives one mad, little Tiefling.  I shall bestow my mark on you.  Take it upon yourself to indulge yourself.  For when the time comes to fulfill your duties to me, you will need one beside you.  Take my mark, so when you worship in my name I get to taste that delicious pleasure.”

The words crashed together in his ears as he opened his mouth in a silent scream as he struggled to cover his ears.  Blood trickled from his ears as he dug his nails further, anything to stop the scrape of pain against his nerves.  To stop the feeling of his eyes burning through closed lids. 

“Such a pity, unable to hear my voice the way it’s meant to be heard, very well.”

Light that had flooded flickered, dimming and dying as the scent still lingered.  Stomach rolling as he fought back the urge to vomit while his head throbbed with the words that his patron had shared.  Dropping his head against the cool stone, Everett bit the inside of his cheek at the searing pain from the underside of his tail.  Through clenched eyes he could see and feel the white hot flash of light was over him.  For one brief moment it felt as though warm hands ran across his skin, a hug from someone he knew wasn’t there.  Swallowing past a dry mouth, pushing himself up on shaking arms as pain throbbed across his body.

The empty bottles and vials, he had nothing left of the health potion he had from the night before.  Nothing to help deal with the throbbing pain.  Staggering to his feet, trying not to fall over as he felt a surge of power running through him, his mind being pulled painfully.

“Enjoy my gifts, little Tiefling.  The road ahead of you is a long one and you’re going to need it.  Find that one person you would give anything for and feed me your pleasure.”

“How?” He asked out loud to the wind, the sounds of nature, his only companion.  No answer came to him, words swirling in his mind of the first spell.  Licking his lips as he tried to form the words that sounded awkward and foreign on his tongue, surprised to see his hands glow as the spell hummed then faded away,

“You didn’t give me any instructions,” Everett huffed to himself as tried to pretend he wasn’t alone in the world.  That Axaros was still waiting for, maybe with a task or just waiting to hear more about what he learned.  Instead his hand reached for the key the wizard had shoved in his hand, frantic in a hushed whisper with instructions to go.  Run to safety, don’t look back.  Go go go!

Vigorously shaking his head as he forced himself to not think about what he lost and instead, reaching for his clothes.  With trembling fingers he dressed, he paused and reached back for his tail.  Back and tail arched, fingers trailing rubbing where he felt the pain and feeling nothing but the smoothness of skin.  A little raw to the touch, tender but nothing to indicate an open wound.  Dropping his hand, rubbing at his stomach as it ached in the same way the book of his patron called to him.

The gnawing urgency that crawled up his skin, slipping inside and whispered through his soul.  Into his heart and mind, Everett tried to shake away the desperation that filled him.  Tried to take his time gathering his worldly possessions, only to end up shoving them into the bag.  His patron’s book lay closed, the faintest of glowing as he reached for it.

Opening the cover, biting down hard on his thumb and wiping the blood that welled up on the first page.  The glowing stopped as his blood soaked into the page, his name appearing briefly before any and all traces of blood disappeared.

Carefully wrapping the tome in a cloth, sliding it into his bag.  A deep breath and then another, he shouldered the bag.  Unable to ignore the pull he felt, Everett shouldered his bag and set forward.

Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 4 of 5

Title: Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 4 of 5
Rating: Explicit
Series: Baldur’s Gate 3
Characters/Pairings/Couples: Astarion/Everett (Male Tav named, Original Character), Astarion/Tav, Everett, Astarion, Karlach, Gale, Wyll, Jornathan (Original Character reference another Male Tav named), Gale/Jornathan
Part of: Falling into a sea of stars
Beta: No Beta, all mistakes are my own
Summary:  He never thought he’d be confessing his feelings, determined to keep his secret close to his heart.  But here he was, baring his soul to Astarion.  There’s no going back now.
Warnings: Mention/references of self mutilation, slight mention of underage masturbation
Notes: this started off just as an attempt to have some smut between Astarion/Everett and just snowballed from there.  This also a way to involve Astarion into Everett’s backstory.  It’s stated in the game that Tav is from Baldur’s Gate.  And while that seemed okay, I wanted to have Everett explore.  No place to call home, only the small room that he rented above one of the taverns.  He’s not from Baldur’s Gate, but he’s deeply in love with a traumatized and hurt character, while he himself is flawed.  And would do absolutely anything for him, unhealthy as it is.  After all, Everett has never had a healthy relationship and no one has ever taught him to value himself.  So when he finds happiness with Astarion, he will do anything to protect that happiness and Astarion.

There is a line or two that was inspired by the movie Interstellar, my favorite movie.  And a lot of this was written before I finished the game, before I finished Astarion’s quest.  So Karlach is still alive and Everyone is pairing up.  Shadowheart’s parents live, I wrote that before even finishing her quest and I don’t like how it ends. 

💜

He was dreaming, he knew it and yet, feeling the wind whip against his face told him something completely different.  The smell, the god awful scent that hung in the air as all sounds around him were muted.  Just the piercing sound of silence seemed to be overwhelming, a reminder of being sealed away.

“Hmmm, I finally get a chance to look at you,” a voice he had never heard before yet sounded awfully familiar, a memory that he never had and yet had heard multiple times.  “He hasn’t been very forthcoming when it comes to you, Astarion.”  A chuckle that sounded like grating metal, tearing at his eardrums, pain that he had to fight back from showing.  “See if you can find him in his dreams, I hope you both can finish this, I’m tired of this mortal world and want what I deserve.”

Words on the wind that reminded him of Cazador’s knives against his skin.

“Don’t be surprised if you see more than the dreams I shared with my little worshiper.  Find him and know more.  Or more likely, he’ll find you, Astarion.  He always seems to know where you are.”

Pressing his hands to his ears at his name, the pain had dulled to a painful throb.  He couldn’t help but wonder if this was the type of pain Everett had felt earlier when his patron spoke to him.  As the silence faded away, the patron’s voice drifted off as sounds replaced the silence.  People speaking in languages that he couldn’t make any sense of.  It took him a moment to realize that no one could see him, no one to care if he shouted out Everett’s name.

Wagons with no horses moved on the road, blowing past him with a sound that resembled a war horn.  Hand gestures at the other wagons.

“Everett!”

Shouts from those who couldn’t see him.  Curling his lip in disgust at the scent, even if he couldn’t understand what was being said, the smell alone told him what he needed to know.

“Where the bloody hells am I?”

He couldn’t help asking himself, even if he didn’t have a clue as to when or where the hell he was.  Or wherever the hell Everett was for that matter.  As he moved, the dream around him did as well, shifting from a crowded city scene to that of a forest.  Or what was left of a forest, burnt and smoldering while pillars rose above, shadowing the ground he walked.  Smoke lingering in the sky, the scent from before still hung in the air as the sight of a metal dragon lifting into the air.  Breath caught in his throat, taking a step back and then another.  Shit, was this something the Tiefling saw in his dreams?

“Astarion?”

Twigs snapped under footsteps, Everett glanced at him then turned his gaze to the creature in the sky that continues to rise.  Smoke billowing from the creature’s nostrils as screeching metal filled the air, lights started flashing and casting long shadows around him.

“C’mon, there isn’t much to see here, just that dragon rising up over and over again,” a sound of disappointment from the other man.  “This was one of the first dreams they sent me.  I lost count of how many times I had sat here, watching that thing rise.  It would go as far as I could see, looping again back from the start.”

Astarion turned his attention away from the dragon to Everett, following the Tiefling through the ruined forest.  The dream shifted to another, more familiar scene of Faurûn.  A temple in ruin, a teenage version of his lover sat with a dagger to his side.  Shaggy blue hair that looked to be in a desperate need of cut while his horns seemed to glow from the firelight. 

“I didn’t think this memory would show,” Everett looked away, mouth downturned.  “I thought it would show another dream that they had shared with me.”

Astarion hummed out a sound, unsure if this was meant for him or not.  “They did tell me more than just the dreams may show up.  Is this where,” he swallowed as the memory Everett pulled off his clothes, folding them neatly.  Hands that picked up several bottles of health potion of different sizes and strengths.  The near silent pep talk the teen gave himself before grabbing the dagger, sliding it from the leather scabbard.  Tossing the sheath over to where clothes were folded, hands that hesitated.  Fingers curled around the hilt,  dagger being held towards gray skin while teeth were gritted as hands shook.

“Where I agreed to what my patron wanted?  Yeah,” eyes avoided his in shame

The plunge of the dagger into his abdomen and the gritted cry of pain.  He should look away, give the memory the privacy that Everett rightly deserved.  Heaved breathing as the teen cursed, the bit of a lip as he braced himself to pull the dagger free.  The splatter of blood and the clank of metal against now blood stained stones.

“How old were you for this?”  Tearing his attention away from the scene of the young Tiefling shakily got to his knees and began using his blood to write out the Eldritch words, hand shaking as fingertips dipped into the blood pooling below.

“About 14 or 15, I don’t know my actual date of birth,” Everett admitted, turning to look at him.  The grim expression on Everett’s face as he turned back to the memory, watching what he had been through so long ago.  “I had watched two men just days before this.  Which was, I guess, my introduction to sex.  They seemed to be so in love.  The promises they swore to each other, the sounds they made.”  A sigh, a ghost of a smile that failed to cross his lips.

“Just watch, I used that memory to help me finish agreeing to and signing the contract.”  A humorless laugh as shoulders hunched.

“No-”  Astarion started, catching the clenching of fingers against elbows, the trembling as the memory shifted, sounds that resemble panting, gasps of a voice.  Stepping between Everett and the memory, turning the Tiefling’s head towards him.  “This is your personal memory and I don’t know why your patron is messing with your mind like this.  Do they think I’ll like you any less?”

The press of lips, parted to protest before Astarion gave him a look to quiet him.

“A memory like this isn’t one that needs to be shared, Everett.  This is personal and private, yours and yours alone.  Do I like it when you share it with me?  Yes, I love it when you’re comfortable enough with me to be this open.  But some memories are meant to be just yours and not to be shared until you are ready to share that information,” Astarion whispered, pressing his forehead against Everett’s.  Feeling as though it was his turn to support the Tiefling instead the other way around.  “There are things Cazador has done to me that I can’t even bear to think about, let alone share.  And I don’t know if I will ever be ready to share them.”

“We’re allowed to have these memories, these secrets and not share them.  To keep a portion of ourselves to ourselves and not to the world.  Okay?”

A little nod from his lover, Astarion gave Everett a peck of a kiss before pulling back.

“When you’re ready, I’ll listen, but for now, it’s okay. Show me more of these dreams, hmm?  And if any memories show up that you don’t want to share, let me know and we’ll skip right past them.”

Another nod, the whisper of his name and the grateful look the Tiefling wore.  Reaching for and lacing his fingers with Everett’s, Astarion gave a little tug.

“There can’t be anything more ridiculous than that dragon rising up, right?  I mean, it didn’t even have any wings”  Astarion asked, keeping his gaze forward as Everett led them away.

Everett snorted and shook his head.  “Believe me when I tell you this, Astarion.  You haven’t seen anything yet.”

___

The tour through the dreams had been…interesting, to say the least.  Majority of the dreams were the same ones that his patron had shared; that didn’t make much sense until Astarion commented about how a lot of the dreams focused on just one group.  In particular, one man.  Looking deeper into the dreams gave more insight before being woken up.

“So you’re telling me that this… whole thing- the idea of falling in love, while it’s on the table, it’s about sex?”  Body felt heavy, his heart like lead while he trembled at his foolishness.  He could feel the astonishment that rolled off of Astarion, the laughter in the elf’s  voice as heat rose to his cheeks.

How couldn’t he have figured this out?

“That’s what it seems like, my glow bug,” Astarion sighed, eying him with a soft look.  “How did you not pick up on this?”

A jut of his chin, crossing his arms to protect his thundering heart.  How could he have missed it?  Dropping his head with a heavy sound.  “I guess you were right, about me being naive,” the raised eyebrow had him wanting to pout, lips pressing against his forehead in a gentle kiss.  Everett leaned in, breathing in Astarion’s scent.  Comforting, welcoming.  Home.

“I guess we’ll never know unless I ask them directly,” he said, nuzzling against Astarion’s neck.  “I’m not sure I’m even ready to confront them,” the admission slipped free.  Though content to just be close to Astarion, he caught the subtle signs the man was giving off.  Unable to be the reason Astarion regressed, he pulled away and stood up.  Offering a hand to Astarion, pulling the vampire up

“I-” scratching at the back of his head, Everett couldn’t stop the feeling of foolishness.  “I can’t stop thinking about this-”

“Everett,” used to the way Astarion would say his name, the firmness in his tone froze him.  “You’re overthinking.  Whatever your patron wants, it can wait.  Whatever mistakes you made, not figuring this out?  It doesn’t matter.”

Astarion was right, of course.  Over thinking about this wouldn’t do him any good.  Pushing away those thoughts, knowing they’d rear up later on when he was by himself, Everett nodded.  Feeling more than a little embarrassed, Everett took a deep breath, then another.  Calming the nerves that were rising to the surface, his hand was taken in a hold.  The reassuring squeeze, the look of concern on Astarion’s face.

“I understand,” the pause in Astarion’s voice.  “And it’s okay, you know.  I think we both need a break, just the two of us.  Let’s get to Waterdeep and go from there,” the offer that Everett wanted.  He had been looking forward to spending some time away with Astarion.  Getting this close to Waterdeep where their friends would depart for their own adventures, hoping that they would be able to meet up later when they got the break they needed.

“I would like that,” Everett admitted.  “Especially some privacy.”  Trying not to fidget at the look Astarion was sending him.  Heat crawling up his cheeks, he wondered if Astarion thought he was being perverted.  Which he was, to an extent, wanting to just spend time with Astarion without everyone else around.  “A rest would be nice, maybe a warm bath with you,” he sent a look to Astarion.  “Maybe a cuddle on a soft bed.  To sleep,” Everett added, trying not to embarrass himself further.  Going by the look that crossed the vampire’s face, he caught the other meanings to his words. 

“Take your time, I’m just gonna-” Everett pointed towards the flap and stepped out, the thoughts of just pampering Astarion and himself.  If exploring a city he hadn’t visited in so long would reward him with a rare finds of pleasure, items that would be hard to come by in smaller towns and villages.

“There you are,” Karlach called out, waving him over to her tent.  Hesitant, Everett saw the remorse that she wore and the apology that slipped free when he approached.

“Look, I’m sorry, Everett.  I didn’t mean to put you on the spot yesterday.  I guess I’m just jealous, you know?”  Unused to the hesitant way the fire Tiefling spoke.  The normally confident Karlach was nowhere to be seen. 

“I can finally touch someone… I get to see how happy you and Astarion are.  And I just want someone to want me the way you want Astarion,” natural red cheeks darkened with a flush.  “I like you, Everett.  You’re up front with your feelings for Astarion, even if you show them in a weird and strange way.  Putting yourself in mortal danger, which is extremely stupid by the way, shows me how far you’ll go to protect who you love.”

Karlach pulled back, embarrassed by her choice of words before confessing what she truly wanted.

“I want to be like that, you know.  Having someone to worry over, someone to worry for me-” a wave of a hand when he started to speak.  He was worried, still worried over his friends.  “Worry in a way that a lover might.  And I mean it, I didn’t mean to spy on you guys.  It’s kinda hard to get privacy out in the middle of nowhere and sometimes I need to…” she didn’t continue and he didn’t need to ask, he understood her meaning.

“When we reach Waterdeep, I’m going to see if anyone catches my eye,” Karlach gave him a little smile.  “Or if I catches someone’s eye.  I hope, anyway.  It’s been a long time.”

He nodded, a little of her optimism was shining through. 

“You know, I overheard that Rock Gnome, Jornathan?  I think that’s his name, say he’s from Waterdeep as well.  Maybe you can ask him to show you around?  He may have some friends that are interested,” Everett offered, though unsure how helpful that would be.  He wasn’t particularly close to the gnome, mostly acting like a buffer between Astarion and the gnome.

“If he’s not attached to Gale’s hip,” she laughed, a fond smile on her face,  “He reminds me of you, actually.  I’ll see if he could offer me some pointers.  Or if Gale turns him down…” she trailed off with a shrug.  “I need something or someone and well, my hands aren’t doing it anymore.”

He hummed in agreement.  If he hadn’t met Astarion, he would be in her predicament.  With only his hands to get himself off and none of the companionship that he craved.

“Anyway, I just wanted to apologize,” Karlach offered, placing a hand on his shoulder.  “I hope I didn’t ruin the friendship we built up.”

Everett could only stare for a moment, shaking his head, pulling the woman into a hug.  “There’s no way you could ruin our friendship, Karlach,” he confessed.  “You’re what I imagine having a big sister is like,” he couldn’t help but add.  “You, everyone here, it’s like the family I never had,”

“Really?”

Everett pulled back, seeing the tears that were wiped away.  He could feel tears building up and ducked his head so he could wipe them away.  Why was he so emotional about this?

“Yeah.  I mean, I never had a family.  Or family that actually cared and you had my back, pushing me to do better.  So, I guess like a sister?”

She gave a laugh, ruffling his hair before gathering her things. 

“That must make you a brother.  I can see that,” Karlach nodded, eying him with a grin he couldn’t place.  “Especially if you were the little brother,” he caught the teasing in her voice, relaxing.  “Anyway, the plan is to reach Waterdeep before the week’s end.  Gale and Jornathan left while you two were sleeping.  Surprisingly still, Lae’zel followed.  She’s starting to come around to us.  I may join her on her quest later on,” she said, voice dropping a little, talking to herself more than him.

“Maybe you’ll meet someone in battle,” he offered, stepping back as she took down her tent with ease. 

A snort, the look Karlach sent him told him what she was thinking.

“Just my luck they’d be on the other side.”

Everett gave a half shrug.  “There’s always the possibility.  Who knows?”

The nod of agreement, seeing the woman focused on breaking down her tent.  Stepping back, turning back towards where he had walked away, seeing Astarion peek his head out to see if the sun had gone down.  Getting the feeling he had been silently dismissed, Everett took a look around to see Wyll with his tent already packed, helping Shadowheart with hers.  Shaking his head, Everett returned to Astarion’s tent.

“Everyone is packing up, did you want to go with them?”  Everett asked, kneeling down next to the entrance.  His hand itches to reach out, touch and just comfort the man.

“Might as well,” Astarion sighed as he fully stepped out, Everett held his breath to see the man seemed to glow in the moonlight.  His breath hissed through his teeth, his blood thrumming as he squirmed where he knelt.  He wanted nothing more than to feel Astarion’s arms around him, knelt between his legs.  To feel the weight and taste of his flesh on his tongue.  Turning his gaze away and pushing himself to his feet.  Dwelling on what he wanted wouldn’t get him anywhere.  Besides, the faster they got to Waterdeep, the faster he could find a shop that specialized in a toy he could use at times like this.  And hopefully get Astarion to play, even if he didn’t fully participate.

Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 3 of 5

Title: Baring your soul shouldn’t be this nerve racking pt 3 of 5
Rating: Explicit
Series: Baldur’s Gate 3
Characters/Pairings/Couples: Astarion/Everett (Male Tav named, Original Character), Astarion/Tav, Everett, Astarion, Karlach, Gale, Wyll, Jornathan (Original Character reference another Male Tav named), Gale/Jornathan
Part of: Falling into a sea of stars
Beta: No Beta, all mistakes are my own
Summary:  He never thought he’d be confessing his feelings, determined to keep his secret close to his heart.  But here he was, baring his soul to Astarion.  There’s no going back now.
Warnings: Mention/references of self mutilation, slight mention of underage masturbation
Notes: this started off just as an attempt to have some smut between Astarion/Everett and just snowballed from there.  This also a way to involve Astarion into Everett’s backstory.  It’s stated in the game that Tav is from Baldur’s Gate.  And while that seemed okay, I wanted to have Everett explore.  No place to call home, only the small room that he rented above one of the taverns.  He’s not from Baldur’s Gate, but he’s deeply in love with a traumatized and hurt character, while he himself is flawed.  And would do absolutely anything for him, unhealthy as it is.  After all, Everett has never had a healthy relationship and no one has ever taught him to value himself.  So when he finds happiness with Astarion, he will do anything to protect that happiness and Astarion.

There is a line or two that was inspired by the movie Interstellar, my favorite movie.  And a lot of this was written before I finished the game, before I finished Astarion’s quest.  So Karlach is still alive and Everyone is pairing up.  Shadowheart’s parents live, I wrote that before even finishing her quest and I don’t like how it ends. 

💜

“I saw a younger version of you,” Astarion commented later, once he fully woke up, though content to stay in the tiefling’s arms and soak up the heat that came off Everett.  “You were a cute kid,” he eyed the way color crawled up gray skin as his lover blushed.

“Did you get the answers you were seeking?” Everett asked, running his fingers through Astarion’s hair, seemingly unconcerned of a younger version of himself.

“Hmmm, kind of.  He showed me some things,” he trailed his fingers along Everett’s sides, enjoying the way the male shivered.  “I never knew you lived at Candlekeep.”

“I see, so he- I, this is so strange,” a laugh that caused Astarion to pull back.  “He told you about Axaros, right?  He was the only one that didn’t call me a fool when I told him about the books that spoke to me.  Or punish me,” his tone turned sour for a moment, something he rarely heard from Everett.

“The books spoke to you?  Like the Necromancer of Thay book?”  Astarion sat up, missing the arms that fell away.

“Yes!  Exactly like that!” Everett sat up as well, the fabric of the bedroll falling away.  Turning away from Astarion, Everett reached for his bag and pulled out a large, cloth bundle.  Fabric stained with what looked to be blood, dusty and falling apart as Everett peeled away the cloth to reveal an even older book.  Bigger than the book of Thay, Astarion leaned in to read the title before rearing back.

“I knew that as a warlock you had a patron, like Wyll.  I just didn’t realize your patron was- is a Great Old One,” Astarion wasn’t sure if he should be shocked or disturbed.  Everett never gave off any sign of madness nor the urge to kill and dominate.  Just devotion.  Love.

“Hmm, yeah.  I guess you could say they’re a Great Old One.  They’ve been forgotten by the passage of time, shunned for wanting things different than the other Eldritch gods.   Meddling in the lives of mortals and fey alike, not unlike the way deities would.”  The shrug of a bare shoulder, pages opening slowly to where Everett’s name was written at the top.

“The books, like this one, spoke to me.  Promises of fame, riches beyond comprehension.  Of death to the world and my enemies alike.  Power that no one should ever have,” Everett’s left hand reached out towards him, quietly asking permission to touch him.

A brief laugh under his breath, he reached for Everett’s hand.  It felt nice having the option to have his own choice.  The warmth of a hand, the book sliding towards him.  Language that he shouldn’t be able to read became clear to him, no pounding in his head.  Only the reassuring squeeze of the Tiefling’s hand.

“As one shall find me, know and follow.  I, too, shall know.  For when you act with my prayer on your lips, I watch.  For approval, I listen.  Know yourself and others, beneath the flesh and bones lies the beating organ that holds your secrets.  Bare them.  Bare your secrets, be truthful to those desires for denying them is an injustice that many choose to suffer with.”

“I remember reading that so long ago, Astarion,” Everett sighed, giving his hand a squeeze.  “I didn’t know what those words meant.”

“What did this book tell you that the others didn’t?”

“It never lied.  No promises that couldn’t be made.  What it told me, being that young that I didn’t fully understand, was to be true to myself.  To devote myself to those feelings and protect what is precious to me.”

Confused, Astarion stared at Everett as those fiery blue-gray eyes looked him over and gave him a smile that conveyed so much.  Fingers that laced with his, the squeeze Everett gave him before continuing.

“I fell for you so hard, Astarion.  And while you didn’t feel the same, I was happy to be by your side.”  A deep breath, Astarion waited for the Tiefling to calm himself down.  “I now know what those words meant.  I have to be truthful and honest with myself and to you.  I think there is a way to help or cure your vampirism-”

“And you didn’t tell me earlier?”  Irritation and doubt crept up in his voice, dropping his hand from Everett’s hold.

“I wasn’t sure, Astarion.  The only way that I know, other than getting your hands on a wish spell, is to talk to a god or goddess. Or,” a loud swallow,  “a patron.”

“Is that what you- child you meant?  Requiring my help?”

A nod, Everett keeping his attention fully on him.  Lips down turned, fear crossed Tiefling’s face as he waited and when he didn’t speak, Everett continued.  Voice thicker as though the male was going to break.

“Not as a contract, like I did.  But to help me complete mine.  I have been trying for so many years, Astarion.  And every single time I’ve failed.”

“How have you failed?  Treasure just out of reach?  You needed a slight hand to open up the locks?  A body to distract someone?” He couldn’t help the distrust in his voice.  “Trap me under the weight of your patron?”

“No!”

Everett’s horrified voice broke, the shaking of a head as the Tiefling started to rub at his face.  Body trembling in fear, Everett kept his head up, kept his gaze on him.  “I would never do that to you, never!  I would never use you like that.  Shit, I wouldn’t even think of it.  I failed because I didn’t have love in my heart.  I couldn’t complete it, no matter how much I tried because I didn’t have someone to believe in nor someone to believe in me.  I didn’t have a reason to try harder.”

Astarion made a sound along with the expression he wore, he was unsure as to believe what Everett was telling him.

“I’m stuck in this cycle of constantly dying because I fail.  I fail because I die, Astarion.  Over and over again.  That child version you met?  That was me, originally.  Full of dreams, escaping out into the world that uses you.  Stuck in this cycle until I fulfill what my patron wants, no matter how many times I fail.  And when I come back, not fully being reborn.  Just… waking up in the same place, the same age when I first started hearing the books and tomes speak to me. All this and no one remembers me.  Before meeting you, Astarion, I didn’t care.  I didn’t care that I died. Leaving behind the previous lives I’ve led.  Until I met you.”

“You died?  I find that hard to believe.”

He wasn’t expecting to hear about Everett dying, curiosity got the best of him and he knew, knew he shouldn’t be asking.  Yet, he couldn’t stop himself when he wished so many times for death over the course of the centuries.  Imagined and craved it, anything to get away.

“How many times have you died?”

“Six or maybe seven, I think?  I stopped counting after the fourth time. The first time happened a few years after agreeing to the contract.  Got too cocky, thought I was unstoppable.  I remember the feel of the blade entering my chest.  It wasn’t even someone I was fighting, actually.  I was flirting with someone I thought liked me.  Sure shows me, huh?  Good enough to be fucked, but not enough to be liked.” 

Everett’s hands reached for the bedroll, pulling the fabric closer and covering up.  For the first time, Everett’s gaze dropped from his in shame.  In fear that caused the Tiefling’s body to tense, catching lips moving silently and unable to hear what was being spoken.

Astarion leaned in, still unable to hear what Everett was saying to himself but catching the faint trembling to his partner’s body.  The normal healthy gray skin color was paling before Everett took a deep breath, wiping at his eyes once more.  A look of apology crossed his face, a hand raised up to his chest, an inch or so above his left nipple.

“Right here,” fingers tapping against muscle, “is where I was stabbed.  Sometimes I feel it in my dreams.  Metal twisting against bone, unable to breath.  The second time, it was here,” a tap at his right hip and upward.  “That one was a slow death, impaled for several days after a battle.  They wouldn’t put an end to it.  Said their God will enjoy the offering of my blood.”  A grim smile fell away, a moment of silence, Astarion waited for Everett to continue. 

“The time from when I die until coming to, right back in Candlekeep varies.  It’s not the same people, time passing by and no one notices me anymore.  I wake up right back where I found this,” a touch to the old tome, “as though I had never left.  Axaros, the only adult that seemed to care, was no longer there.  Of course he wasn’t there, his death was my fault.”

A shake of a head, pushing bangs off his forehead.

“I’m sorry, I’ve never told anyone this, Astarion.  You’re the first one I ever told this to.”  Everett reached for the pile of clothes that had been dropped there when Astarion carried him back to camp earlier.  Watching as the Tiefling worked the shirt over a head, carefully getting the fabric around his horns with ease.

“Is that why you agreed to become a worshiper to your patron?  Because of the death of this Axaros?”  Astarion asked, feeling the guilt rise at the way Everett’s eyes widened a fraction.  A nod of a head was an answer.

“Yeah.  I was the reason Axaros died, and I couldn’t stay there anymore. The one person who seemed to actually care for me was dead, because of me.  By then, My parents had all but forgotten about me at that point and Axaros was getting warnings from several of the wizards about his lack of work and dedication.  They had followed him down to where I had been staying.  Axaros was trying to convince them there wasn’t a problem with me staying there until they saw me reading those books, a Tiefling having the courage to read such books-”

Coughing from the edge of the tent pulled the two of them out of their own personal bubble to see the looks of concern on their friends’ faces.

“I guess everyone knows,” he commented with a look of guilt on his face for not even thinking of putting up a silence spell.  Too engrossed in listening to what Everett was telling him.

Everett stood up, grabbing his pants to finish getting dressed.  Giving the group that had gathered at the entrance of Astarion’s tent a look, Everett gave him a sad smile.

“I remembered what I did in those lives, Astarion, not everything, but enough to know I have never felt like this before.  You asked earlier why I glowed?  And I answered?  You’re the only one who makes me feel loved, the only one who takes my breath away, as cheesy as that is,” a hint of color coming back to pale cheeks. 

“Anyone before pales in comparison.  Being with you makes me want to live.  You make me want to continue, to live and explore this world with you. And to live, I need to finish what I agreed to.  I want to feel this love for as long as I can.”

Astarion tried not to look away, uncomfortable with what was being told to him.  He himself had told Everett a small portion of what Cazador did to him during their journey.  He has wondered what the other had gone through, Everett being as secretive as he had.  Thought that the other led a normal life, never really talking about his past.  He wasn’t the only one to hold their cards to their chest.

–

“Everyone here bared a secret or two, Everett.  You’re the only one who’s been tight lipped,” Wyll said, leaning forward, pouring some wine from a bottle into a glass that Shadowheart pulled out before handing it back to her. 

“I told you of Mizora, hell, you met her.  Tell me about yours.”  Wyll eyed the Tiefling, knowing that the man was holding back stories and gossip around the campfire only lasted so long.  “Everyone here knows at least a little about each other and here you are, holding back on us.”

“Really?”  Everett asked, uncomfortable with the way everyone was looking at him.  Shoulders tensing, it took Gale dropping down to his left, giving him a reassuring look.

“We’re here for you, share with us about you, yourself.”

“Like the shadow you picked up recently?” Astarion quipped, taking the spot to the right of Everett while reaching out his hand.  He knew the feeling of being put on the spot, hiding the eased feeling when the Tiefling took his.  He ignored the look that crossed Gale’s face, everyone knew the wizard had an admirer that had been following them around.  The one that stepped out of the shadows, waiting for approval from the group before taking the free spot on the other side of Gale.

“If you want to know,” a hesitant shrug, fingers lacing with his, a squeeze as the other took a deep breath in the hopes of quashing nerves.

“I guess you could compare my patron to the deities of this world and beyond to other realities, you could say they would be one of love and sex.  Similar to Lastai, if she were to take the form of a Great Old One, just more love and carnal desires.” Chancing a glance around the campfire, seeing the widening of eyes as the group took the information in.

“So you’re telling me that you had to,” a roll of a hand from Karlach, “with someone as a child?”  Concern and disgust crossing her face at the prospect of such an act.

“No!”  A vigorous shake of a head, “To sign the contract, it was- I,” Astarion listened, looking at his lover from the corner of his eye.  “I had to offer my blood and get off,” a mix of disgust and discomfort, knowing the implications. “You know, just the oath to enjoy the pleasures and emotional connection where I can find it.”

“So you align yourself with a Great Old One.  We could have used the help fighting the Netherbrain,” a nod around the campfire.  A few in agreement while one or two were undecided.  “I mean, any help would have been appreciated.”

Everett shifted where he sat, uncomfortable with all the attention.  “It’s not like they’d agree.  I mean, I haven’t fulfilled my contract with them.”

A shiver running up his back, head jerking up in a yelp as he felt his patron’s power running through his body.  Shit, they weren’t pleased.  Feeling the looks on everyone’s face, heat crept up his cheeks with embarrassment.  A squeeze of a hand, concern on Astarion’s face.

“I’m okay, I guess I could have pleaded.  Or begged.”

A pleasing hum in the back of his mind, his patron was pleased with begging, among other things.

“I’m sure they’d love the begging,” Karlach commented, taking a drink from her cup before shooting him a pointed look.  “You’re really good at it, by the way.  Astarion must be very talented,” a wide, knowing smile crossed Karlach’s face.  She turned to the others with a giggle.  “I stumbled upon them a while back.  I hadn’t heard that type of begging-”  A snort of laughter that trailed off into a jealous sigh.  “Why can’t I find someone like that?’

He’d been around them long enough, considered them friends.  But the fact that they knew or at least Karlach knew what he sounded like when begging, had probably seen Astarion take him multiple times.  Swallowing at the embarrassment that quickly rose.  Tensing his body and ready to just run off, the squeeze to his hand stopped him.

“You never did tell me what you had to do to complete your contract,” Astarion whispered, leaning in.  He shouldn’t be blushing this badly with the elf so close.  Long lashes that would hide those beautiful eyes, the way Astarion’s mouth parted, he couldn’t tear his gaze away.  It was no wonder he fell hard for Astarion.

Everett nodded, giving the hand a squeeze back.  The familiar words that he knew so well, keeping his hold on Astarion as the spell swirled around them.  With a blink of an eye they were far enough from camp that they could talk more without being overheard.

“That’s not how I thought the night would end,” a sigh from Astarion, though he felt guilty enough that everyone seemed to know Everett’s private business.

“They were bound to find out.  After all, when I’m around you I don’t seem to care,” Everett admitted, fiddling with the hem of his clothing.  “There are times where I get really w-”   Cutting himself off, Everett gave the elf a look in the hopes that Astarion would understand what he was trying to say without actually saying it.

“I know.  You give off some signs that are just adorable, you know,” a low chuckle before the vampire stepped away to eye where they were.  “Where are we, anyway?”

Everett gave a shrug, unfamiliar with the area.  They were somewhat close to Waterdeep, a few days south.  Giving a glance over his shoulder, he could see the smoke coming off their camp fire.  He needed a break, some privacy in revealing what his patron wanted him to do.

Away from the main road, near a thicket of trees they took shelter.  Casting a silence spell, Everett cursed himself for not knowing any creation spells before taking a place on the ground.  Once Astarion rested his back against a tree, Everett cleared his throat.

“You want to know?”

Astarion nodded, though Everett wasn’t sure if he himself knew.

“It’s going to sound absolutely ridiculous, because they didn’t exactly tell me what they wanted.  I had to guess with the clues and the dreams they would send,” he admitted, not completely sure.  “They want love?  Actual love and not just worship?  To actually have a physical relationship.”

A scoff, Astarion didn’t believe him and to be honest, he couldn’t blame him.

“How did you fail at that?  It’s physically impossible for a Great Old One to be in physical plane,” a wave of a hand.

“That’s where I’m a little confused,” Everett looked up, giving Astarion a wistful look.  “They gave me little clues over the years, dreams here and there, though none of it made any sense.  Until I met you, that is.”

“You’re being cryptic again, Darling.  Just speak, I’m not going to judge you.”

Taking a deep breath, holding it for a moment before releasing it.

“From the time I agreed to my patron’s terms up till being abducted, I couldn’t put the pieces together.  For years and years, nothing made sense.  I begged and pleaded for some kind of information and all I got was random dreams and hints.  But when I saw you, for the first time.  Lost and overwhelmed, when you held your dagger to my throat,” he sighed, memories swirling.

“Really?”

A slow nod, caught up in remembering.  Heart pounding just like it did before.  Never been in love, it took him a while to fully understand what his patron was trying to tell them.

Until now.

“It took me falling in love with you, Astarion, to understand.  This feeling makes me want to do everything I can to make you happy.  Seeing you smile, laughing and being able to enjoy being yourself.  This, this desire to see you bloom into your very own person, is the best thing I have ever felt.  And I didn’t realize this until I fell in love.”  A shuddering breath, feeling as though everything he worked for was crumbling down around him.  A mistake, how could he have been so stupid?  Still, Astarion wanted to know.  He forged on.

“They want to experience what we, as mortals, feel.  The love that makes me want to throw caution away and dive head on into danger if it means you can walk in the sun once more.”

A hesitant hand reaching out, holding it open towards Astarion.  Heart pounding in his ears, barely able to hear what he was saying.

“You won’t be under the power or control of my patron, Astarion.  I meant it when I told you I would be there for you, no matter what you choose.  I want to complete this contract and live out the rest of forever with you.”  Everett paused for a moment, weighing the possibility that Astarion would reject what he was offering and knowing the elf, he wouldn’t blame him at all.

“I understand this is a lot to take in, Astarion,” Everett suppressed the urge to run, he fucked this up once more.  Stopping himself from saying more, knowing that he ramble off on some nonsense, Everett cursed himself.  Ruining this, the chance at happiness and love.  What should he have expected?  With a heavy feeling in his stomach, Everett dropped his hand.

“I’m sorry,” a whisper from his lips, dreams falling around him.

“Don’t apologize, Everett.  I’m still in a bit of shock,” Astarion responded.  “I mean, finding out that there’s a small chance to walk in the sun, I’ll take it.  I’m hesitant about your patron, though.  I don’t want to be in a position like that again.  Never under someone’s power.”

Everett understood, of course he did.  He hid the little disappointment he felt, but Astarion’s safety and choice were more important than his wants.  He reached out, still wanting to make sure it was okay to touch.  Needed some kind of reassurance that everything was okay.  That he hadn’t messed everything up like he normally did.

“My little glow bug,” Astarion grabbed his hand, lacing his fingers.  “There’s nothing to be worried about, you know.  It’s written on your face,” a brief pause, the smile that he fell in love with crossed Astarion’s face.  Leaning closer, the gentle press of lips against his that lasted just briefly before pulling back.

“We have plenty of time, there’s no need to rush this,”  the hum of happiness in his tone Astarion stood up, pulling Everett up with him, bumping a shoulder against his.

“So your patron wants to find love?  They physically cannot be here.  It’ll throw the whole world off balance.  Let alone sex,” a grimace crossed Astarion’s face as he must have tried to picture something unpleasant.

“The strange thing is the dreams.  In there, cities that I have never seen, buildings made of material that shouldn’t exist,” Everett explained, as best he could while hoping he didn’t sound like a mad man.  “I wish I could show you the dreams they’ve sent, maybe seeing it would help better than trying to explain it.”

A nod from Astarion, the man looked to be lost in thought.  Giving the hand he held a squeeze, a soft “I love you” before letting go of the hand.  A probing pain in the back of his mind, one that reminded him of the parasite when it wriggled in the way.  An echo of voices, one he hadn’t actually heard since he made the contract with them, rang in his ears for no one but himself.

“A gift is given, just for this moment, show them.  Show them, for when the time is to come you must be ready.”

“You’re bleeding,” Astarion’s words cut through the pain, feeling fingers wiping away the blood that dripped from his ears.  “What happened?  I’ve never seen you bleed from there before,” a comment that had the vampire’s eyebrows furrowed.  Hands that came up to cup his face, tilting his head to look into eyes.

“See, I told you your hands are gentle,” Everett sighed, enjoying the attention.  Resting his cheek on Astarion’s palm, seeing the way lips parted, eyes widened in surprise.    “My patron spoke to me, and while it doesn’t drive me mad, it has…. Other side effects.”

“They already know?”

Everett didn’t hesitate in nodding, he didn’t bother lying to Astarion.  What good would it do other than break the trust he worked so hard to earn?

“Yeah, they know. They’re granting me a chance to share what they showed me.  If only to further their cause.  Told me “For when the time comes, I must be ready”.  As for when that happens,” he gave a shrug of a shoulder.  When he felt Astarion start to pull away, he couldn’t stop himself from asking; “Please, just a little more?  I like it when you touch me, Astarion.”

A plea, a beg that he hoped the elf would grant.

“You’re a strange one, Everett,” a sigh from Astarion.  He would have taken the sound as one of irritation if not for the small smile that his lover wore.  Corners curled up as he was caught staring.  “I have to ask, does your patron always have their gaze on you?”

Everett froze at Astarion’s words, he knew exactly what he was talking about.  Swallowing, he gave a short nod and pulled back. 

“They do and at times, they watch us,” red eyes widened, “they don’t watch often, but when they do, they feed off the pleasure I feel.  What I freely give to you, I share with them.  With the power they gave me, I found you.”  A quick glance at the sky, to Astarion, he held out his hand.  “It’s almost sunrise, we need to go.”

“Just tell me, Everett, they won’t do what Cazador did to me, would they?  I don’t normally care for anyone watching us, and there’s nothing I can do about your patron watching.  It just makes me-”

“Uncomfortable?”  Everett offered, watching the nod of a pale head as Astarion took his hand.  “No, I have little doubt they even desire us in that way.  They’ve sent…other things in my dreams, of those  who they desire and it’s no one in this world, I can tell you that much.  I think they have tastes, and you have little worry about that.”

“Now I can’t help but feel insulted,” a huff, muttered for him to hear.  “I’ve heard stories about the worshipers of Lastai and while not all of them can be true, it makes me wonder if at least a few are.” 

Astarion held his breath as the spell surrounded them and quickly brought them back to their camp.  The steps to his tent were taken quickly as the others looked up but didn’t comment.  They were used to them disappearing at random times and knew from personal experience not to bother them.

Another cast of silence before stepping into Astarion’s tent.  Hesitating at the entrance, unsure if he was still welcomed by the vampire.  Reaching behind himself, he closed the flap to block the rising sun from reaching Astarion.

“Everett, what are you waiting for?”

“I- is this still okay?”

“Why?  It’s not your fault, you can’t control what your patron does.  It makes me uncomfortable, like I said, but what else can I do?  Run away from the one person who actually sees me and loves me?  Don’t be ridiculous, come here.”

He couldn’t resist the order, the way Astarion made room for him and the tender touch to his hand.  The same way he gave.

“You worry too much, my love.  I’m new to this as well as you are.  And while I get overwhelmed at times, because this-” a motion of a hand between them, “is completely new to me.  And you, I don’t want to give you up.  We’re both trying to figure this out.”

Everett took a deep breath, holding it for a moment, releasing it and gave Astarion a small smile.  He knew the vampire was right, it didn’t help elevate the unease in his stomach though.  One step, then another before Astarion pulled him closer.

“It’s okay, Darling.  We’ll figure this out together.  For now though, I’m tired.  Come lay with me, I’m interested in seeing what these dreams your patron sent to you.”

He couldn’t resist the tug, the pull as Astarion knelt.  An almost tumble, the gentle laugh from the elf.  The reach to grasp and pull the unrolled fabric, covering both himself and Astarion.  It didn’t take him long to drift off into slumber, hoping that the dreams that had been shared with him before wouldn’t scare the elf away.