I’m fighting my desires, no matter how much I tell myself I can’t give in

Title: I’m fighting my desires, no matter how much I tell myself I can’t give in
Rating: NC-17
Series: Sex Pistols, Red Dead Redemption
Part of: Trying something new won’t kill you, until your imagination runs wild.  Set after I’m getting pulled in but before Sometimes hope is being encased in someone’s mouth and sometimes it’s somewhere else
Beta: None, all mistakes are my own
Warnings: This series completely ignores the ending of Red Dead Redemption, I just want some John and Shirou smut with some sort of plot mixed in.
Notes: He didn’t mean to hurt Shirou’s feelings, but he can’t help but remember what he saw in the barn.  And when he comes to apologize, John gets a confession and a front view of how his scent turns Shirou on so much.  Italics are Japanese as Shirou slips into his native tongue while intoxicated by John’s scent.

No matter how much he worked on trying to forget what he witnessed in the barn, his brain had other ideas, continuing to replay the scene and the echoing of Shirou’s voice in his ears.  Nothing he tried allowed him to forget the fact that he watched the man jack off to his name.  Or the fact that his imagination wouldn’t stop him from thinking of other possibilities that could happen.

To say the least, it made working with the younger man just a little difficult.  Work around the farm got done a little quicker than if it had been just him and uncle.  But when Shirou spoke, getting a little closer than he usually would, his mind would supply him with what he saw.  The questions Shirou would ask, a brief touch of a hand against his arm.  Snapping over a simple question, leaving the male confused and more than a little hurt, turning to work in tense silence

Despite his behavior, the treatment and the silence that built between them, it wouldn’t take long before Shirou would swallow back the hurt and try to approach him again.  A question about what they were working on or how to use a specific tool, nothing about what had happened in the barn.  Not that Shirou had seen him watching.  He was sure that the male didn’t have a clue to the mental torment he had put him through.

Of course he didn’t tell Abigail about what he saw, dropping the grinding stones on the mantelpiece, the knife following beside it.  Ignoring the sound of Abigail’s voice, the demand to know why he wasn’t sharpening that damned knife.  At the time he had bitten back what he wanted to say, wishing for a hard drink to forget what he had seen.  To forget how much his body had stirred and throbbed, it was under the covers of his bed that he released the pent up passion.  Abigail didn’t question it, enjoying the act, though voicing when he lost a little control, choking out an apology before he came.

Pushing back his thoughts of the male and his wayward interest in him, John tipped his hat back enough, squinting his eyes as the glare of the sun hit the metal work.  The engine that lay before him and the fretting woman behind him, irritating him further as heated steam blew his way.  “I don’t know what I can do, ma’am. I don’t know anything about engines, so there’s nothing I can do other than offer you a ride back into Blackwater.  Maybe there’s someone there that can fix your vehicle,” John offered as he stood up, dusting his hands on his pants, smearing the grease that lingered on his skin.  He didn’t voice to the woman about the rarity of finding someone that knows their way around a car was slim.

He caught the look that crossed the young woman’s face as she glanced around the empty dirt road and fields, the cows that he had been herding with Shirou were settling in the fresh pasture that the younger male had herded them to.  Catching the wrinkling of a nose, he didn’t have to even guess what she was thinking.

“Are you sure you can’t just-” a wave of a hand towards the car as she pleaded “fix it? I mean, how hard can it be?”

Gritting his teeth and taking a deep breath, John counted to ten before releasing his breath, it wouldn’t do him any good to snap at the woman.  “Well, ma’am, if I do attempt to fix it and end up doing more damage, will you be blaming me?  I have more important work to do than just messing with your expensive toys, let alone the funds for it.”  Turning away from the broken vehicle and the woman, John scanned the fields, spotting the figure returning, his horse slowing behind on a rope tether.  Suppressing the feelings rising at the sight, though John chalked it up to gratitude.

“Well,” the hesitant reply as the woman figured before giving in, “fine, but you better not lay a finger on my person,” the huffed reply as the woman crossed her arms, turning her nose up at him and the dirty clothes he wore.  It was easy to read what the woman wasn’t saying.  Shaking his head at the woman’s attitude, stepping around her and towards Shirou and the horse he pulled behind him.  Flashing the younger male a look, inclining his head in thanks before approaching his horse and pulled himself onto his saddle with a silent sigh of relief.

“Should we head back towards home?”  Shirou asked, shifting in his seat a little while ignoring the woman that stood a few feet away.  He caught the slight tightening of hands on reins along with the press of lips when he hesitated, pale eyes darting from him to the woman for a moment and then back.

John shook his head, answering silently before speaking . “Unfortunately, this woman needs a ride into Blackwater. And she doesn’t want to ride with me,” John said, watching with amusement as Shirou’s face froze before scowling. Under the dusty hat the younger male wore, he caught the narrowing of eyes and the tsk under his breath as the woman stepped close to Shirou and the blue roan he rode.

Watching as a hand was held out for the woman, grasping her hand gently and pulling her up to sit side saddle along the horse’s haunches, John ignored the twisting of his gut at the sight.  Silently berating himself for being foolish, he turned his horse onto the road to Blackwater and waited for the younger male to catch up.  When the blue roan reached his side, he couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Shirou and the look of displeasure.

“What’re looking so upset about?”  He asked as casually as he could, catching the movements of the woman’s hands on Shirou’s hips, the curling of fingers along the fabric as though she wanted to touch bare skin.  John couldn’t name the feeling that started to twist inside at the sight, looking up to catch the uncomfortable look on Shirou’s face.

The opening of a mouth, starting before stopping himself with a shake of a head.

“I’ll tell you later, okay?” Shirou offered, leaning forward just enough to keep the woman from pressing her chest against his back.  He didn’t catch the murmured words that Shirou sent over his shoulder, only the stiffening of shoulders and the hands that withdrew, lingering on to keep from being jostled off.  The look of disappointment crossed the woman’s face before she pressed her lips and waited until they reached Blackwater.

John could only muse to why the woman made Shirou uncomfortable, though it wasn’t that much of a stretch.  His mind went to the memories of cabin, the heat of a mouth on his cock and the sound of Shirou coming in his hand.  The echoing of the male’s voice in his ears had him shaking his head, pushing away the memories to focus on what was important at the moment and getting the herd back to the farm before night fell.

The ride into town was made in silence, nodding to those few that gave them a warm greeting and the few that sent them an untrusting look, unsavory words hissed under their breath as they passed.  The few motor cars that Blackwater had were serviced by a lone shop and the owner that fancied himself a mechanic.

“This is it, ma’am,” John drawled softly, climbing down from his saddle to approach the blue roan, holding his hand out to help the woman down, seeing her eyes dart from him to Shirou and back.  “This place will be able to help you with your motor car, much better than I can.”  He gave the woman a nod, knowing that it wasn’t her fault that the vehicle had broken down, after what he had seen and rode nearly a year ago, he still didn’t trust those machines.

“Well, I-” the swallow before she sighed and gave him a small smile, “thank you.”  Giving them a look, she thanked them before stepping towards the building.

“I may be a bad man, ma’am, but I have a heart.  Be careful next time you’re out, okay?” He warned, climbing back up on his horse.  “There might not be an honest person there to help you.”

John didn’t wait for a response from the woman, turning his horse back on the road while Shirou followed suit, the sounds of hoofs and the sigh of relief from the younger male filled the silence.  Waiting for something from Shirou before clearing his throat.  “So, are you gonna tell me what had you so upset earlier?  Normally a man would welcome the feel of firm breasts against their back.”  He chuckled at the look the dark haired male shot him.

“It wasn’t that hard to pick up the lingering scent that clung to her,” Shirou muttered, scowling at his amusement. “But the fact that she was carrying the scent of another told me that she was taken,” Shirou tried to explain, giving John a look.  “That’s why she was offended. I didn’t take her up on her offer.”

“You can tell that from just from sniffing her?”  John found himself asking, unable to fully believe what Shirou was saying.  How could anyone tell just by their smell?

“Well, yes,” Shirou answered, “that woman was- is a dog-” Shirou caught himself, seeing John’s shoulders shake at the implied insult.  “Not like that,” he chuckled, “she’s a madararui like you and me.  Though from her size, she’s a lightweight.  Her husband or partner, is a regular human,” Shirou said, eyes watching John’s expression as the older man pressed his lips, thinking quietly before narrowing his eyes at him.

“Then how did she know that you’re a-” John paused, trying to find the right word.

“That I’m of madararui blood?  When I’m out working with you- helping and everything, I don’t try to hide what I am.  By being close to you,” Shirou could feel the heat rise to his cheeks in embarrassment as he admitted, “I try to divert attention from you to me.  Your soul hasn’t revealed itself, so your pheromones and scent haven’t been released to call out to anyone.  So unless someone is up close to you, they can’t catch the unique scent that clings to you.” Shirou swallowed thickly, fighting back the rising heat on his face, wanting nothing more than to climb up behind John and breath in the scent that hooked him.  “Normally, depending on your status and level you are, you’ll either hide what you are or flaunt your power to look for a lover and mate.”

“So, like regular people, right?  Humans, I mean,” John asked, still wondering if the younger man was telling him the truth or just completely bullshitting him.

“Well, yeah.  There’s some couples that marry for love and others do it to ensure healthy and strong offspring.  Some will enter in either an arranged marriage or a breeding session, all in the hopes of continuing their bloodlines.  The lower status you are, the higher fertility you have.  From there, it changes to the point that it’s harder to conceive a child with how higher up you are.”

John turned away from Shirou to look across the open fields, his mind trying to wrap around what the male was saying.  “You’re not-” he sighed, glancing back towards Blackwater, wondering if something cold to drink would be able to help him fully grasp what Shirou was saying.

“It’s easier to understand if it’s broken down into levels.  The lowest rank is reserved for those who are the smallest.  Small cats, dogs and some snakes.  Those- they’re known as lightweights.  Though they’re on the bottom, their fertility is higher than the other ranks.  They have a higher chance to have multiple offspring than those of middleweights and higher,” Shirou licked his lips and wished he had something to stop the cotton mouth feeling.

“For each tier, the balance shifts.  The higher you are, the lower your fertility becomes.  Your soul and strength become more powerful, your sex appeal goes up.  And despite the fact that their fertility is lower, the heavyweights are popular choices to mate with.”

Shirou could feel John’s gaze on him, knowing that his cheeks were flushed red.  He could only imagine the twisting of lips as the retrograde took in what he explained, most likely being disgusted.  Biting down on his lower lip on hesitation, Shirou chanced a look at John.  Brows furrowed and lips pressed into a frown.

“Should I continue? I know it’s-”

“It sounds like y’all are obsessed with sex,” John sighed, interrupting Shirou.  “There’s more to life than just fucking other people.”

“Well, that’s true, I suppose,” Shirou mused, “though they- we really don’t see it that way.  While it’s easier for regular humans to have children, it could take certain people months or even years to conceive a child, if they’re lucky to get pregnant.  Besides madararui have lower modesty than humans.  They don’t look down at others who enjoy having sex, as long as the two, or more,” Shirou licked at his bottom lip, feeling a shiver of heat running through him, “are enjoying the act.”

“After all that, it still sounds like shit.  If you know all this, what’re you?  What the hell am I? I-” the hesitation before John shook his head.  “It doesn’t matter, there’s more important things that needs to be done than just sitting here and chatting about this messed up stuff.”  Tugging at the reins in his hand, guiding his horse away from the road, towards Beecher’s Hope and away from Shirou.

“If you really want to know, I don’t mind telling you-” Shirou tried, watching as John continued, holding up a hand to stop him.

“Watch the cows and keep an eye out for any cattle rustlers.  Herd them in when the sun starts to set,” John tossed over his shoulder as he fought with the curiosity that ate at him.  The less he got involved in the mess and the younger male, the better.  Even if he did want to know more.  He couldn’t risk losing his family again.

Shifting in his saddle as disappointment filled him, Shirou watched as the older man and his horse disappears over a hill.  Releasing the breath he had been holding, Shirou cursed under his breath.  Why was he trying to help the man out if he didn’t want help to begin with?  Even if John was the first one to show him kindness, he shouldn’t be trying to help the man understand madararui if he doesn’t want to.  Risking the chance of other madararui thinking he was trying to muscle in on their territory.

Shaking his head at his own foolishness, Shirou let his mind wander while he kept his gaze on the grazing herd, determined not to let John’s careless words bother him.  If the older male didn’t want to know, why should he worry?

____________

Despite his thoughts, Shirou found himself searching through his bag later that night, his shadow dancing along the walls from the lit oil lamp on the wooden desk.  The book that he knew he had thrown in there before he had rushed out of his family home, the old cover showing its age, find it under the clothes and on top what jewelry and valuables he had placed inside.  The smooth brush strokes that read out the title, trailing his fingers over the smooth cover before taking the few steps to his desk.

It had been the last book that his tutor had given him, so long ago.  Swallowing past the tightening of his throat, easily remembering the lesson, one to test his ability to read in his language and translate what he had read into English.  Chewing on his lip at the ache that grew, reminding him how alone he was, even if John’s family welcomed him enough to allow him to stay.  Opening the book slowly, eyes traveling down the neatly printed kanji, Shirou lost himself in the pages from his childhood.

It would be a coughing of a throat and the sound of Jack voice calling that pulled him from reading and the memories of his past, the book he had been holding fell to the desk with a soft clatter.  A muttered apology as  Jack stepped further into the barn and approached him.  The door closing softly behind him, a look of curiosity mixed with apprehension on his face as his eyes darted from the book on the desk to him.

“I don’t mean to interrupt your reading, but my ma wanted to know if you’ll be joining us. For supper, I mean.” Jack asked, looking back to the book.

Breathing in silently, hiding his disappointment. It wasn’t Jack’s fault, he knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up.  “No, I-” he swallowed before turning to Jack.  He should be thinking further about this instead of outright asking. “I’m not hungry, but I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”  Licking his lips in nervousness, closing the book he had been reading and handed it to the teen . Watching as Jack opened the book and slowly turned the pages, brows knit in confusion as he struggled to understand words and symbols that he had never seen in his life.

“I was wondering if you could help me translate this book,” Shirou admitted when Jack looked up from the book, giving him a look before handing it back to him. Shirou could see the curiosity on Jack’s face, along with hesitation and disbelief before the teen spoke.

“Why don’t you do it yourself?”

“It’s well,” he scratched the back of his neck and knew he had to get over his embarrassment, “I- I’m not very good with writing English. I can write my name, but I could never write properly enough for some one to read and understand it.” Shirou admitted, looking away from Jack and the intense gaze the young male held. He couldn’t help wondering if Jack is like John, unaware of what he and his father were before pushing away his thoughts, there was no point in getting to get close to the family.

A moment of silence before Jack stepped away and shook his head. “I’d like to, but I don’t think I should. Pa would be sore at me for neglecting my chores,” a sad smile before the teen made his way to the door. “Maybe some other time, okay?”

The door closed before Shirou could answer, leaving the wolf feeling worse than before. Why did everything have to backfire on him? Rubbing at the side of his face in frustration, looking back at the book he had offered Jack before blowing out the oil lamp. Finding his way to his bed in the dark, Shirou curled up and closed his eyes, wishing once more that he was back home. Even if his only family was gone, at least he would be in familiar territory. And near the one who broke his heart. Taking in a shuddering breath, Shirou forced the want away.  Knowing that wanting anything in life is just inviting trouble.

The cloudless night sky welcomed him after several hours of rough sleep, closing the barn door behind him as he stepped barefoot along the dirt path.  The slow crooning of crickets covered what sounds he created, ignoring the chill in the wind as the low howl of wolves from the forest, keeping their distance but wanting so much to approach and defend their territory.  Listening closely, Shirou caught a few yips, most likely from over excited pups and felt his lips twitch in a smile at what he pictured.  At this moment, he didn’t have to explain himself to anyone. Didn’t have to pretend that he was alright being alone in this land, didn’t have to pretend that he wasn’t interested in someone who was taken.  Only the hanging moon seemed to know his secrets and didn’t care that he didn’t belong.

The cloudless night sky welcomed him after several hours of rough sleep, closing the barn door behind him as he stepped barefoot along the dirt path.  The slow crooning of crickets covered what sounds he created, ignoring the chill in the wind as the low howl of wolves from the forest, keeping their distance but wanting so much to approach and defend their territory.  Listening closely, Shirou caught a few yips, most likely from over excited pups.  He didn’t have to explain himself to anyone right now, under the hanging moon.  Didn’t have to pretend that he was alright being alone in this land, didn’t have to pretend that he wasn’t interested in someone who was taken.

Under the low moon, following the dirt path up the hill and away from the temporary home, one that will disappear when John got tired of him.  Digging his toes in the loose dirt and what grass that had started to grow, Shirou pushed away the negative thoughts that plagued him.  Leaning back against the wooden fence that separated the plains and Beecher’s Hope, Shirou gazed up at the stars and swirls of the universe.  Catching movement in the dark and the familiar outline of the older male as he approached, the moonlight giving him just enough to see the bare chest and the pants that hung low on his hips.

Swallowing back a sound at the sight, pulling his legs closer to his chest, Shirou struggling not to fidget under John’s gaze.

“What’re you doing out here so late?”  John asked, kneeling down just a few feet from him, reaching into his pocket to pull out a cigarette and the strike of a match, the flare of light that shadowed John’s face as he light his cigarette before shaking it out.

Before Shirou could answer John’s question, he caught the shaking of the older man’s head.  “I guess I should apologize for earlier for not listening.  I just,” John shook his head, looking down at the ground, “all that talk about casual sex, reminding me of how I used to be.  Before I married Abigail.  And it’s just so much to fully understand, I-”  John took a deep breath, releasing it through his nose while the tip of his tongue traced his upper lip.  “All the attention you’ve been giving me, it’s a little unsettling.  I love Abigail and would do anything to keep her safe.  I won’t deny that I’m intrigued.  You,” the swallow and the leaning towards him, a sniff that he caught and could only imagine what John was thinking, “stir something inside me that I shouldn’t acknowledge.”  The long drag of the cigarette before smoke was blown out with a huff, “but since I interrupted you earlier, I was wondering if you could continue.”  The request was murmured, just loud enough for him to hear, but low enough so if there were others around, they wouldn’t hear.

The wolf bit his lower lip, looking down at his toes in the dirt before glancing up at John.  He couldn’t help the blooming of feelings in his chest, the stirring of want as his body tingled.  Catching the loud sniff and the turn of a head, the glowing tip of the cigarette becoming brighter while the older male struggled not to lean in closer.

“Before anything, what is with you smelling like that?  You don’t smell like a normal person,” a mutter before fully resting on the ground, “is that why when I found you, you were sniffing me?”

Licking his upper lip, tasting the air and what he could find out, Shirou nodded.  “Yes.  Scent tells so much, if you know how to read it.  Or taste it,” he couldn’t help the small smile that crossed his face at the widening of John’s eyes, a small chuckle rose in his throat.  “There’s something you should know, John.  Being like this, born into a world where you’re different from others, makes it harder to find the right person that soothes your soul.  You, you’re lucky.  You have Abigail and I’ve seen you so happy to be with her.  And I’ve seen the looks she sent you.  I-” Taking a deep breath, Shirou closed his eyes and bared his soul.

“I thought I found the one person that makes me complete, the one who made me feel like I could take on the world and win.  But I never thought he would turn on me.”  Shirou stared down at his knees, wondering if John would believe him.  “The one I loved, turning on me when I needed him the most.  To be sold to the family that ruled the country and used to their whims,” Shirou tried to stop the trembling the started to run through his body.  “Scent that every madararui releases helps us identify and find those that would become our partners.  In the world that you grew up with, John, is similar.  The only difference is that your world is easier on finding your partner and lover.”

Shirou paused, glancing up through his lashes to see the set frown on the older man’s face.  “When you see me sniff and catch your scent, it’s almost like it’s familiar.  Comforting and settles my soul in a way that I haven’t felt in years,” Shirou took a chance and moved, leaning in close enough to catch the smell of the older man’s skin and musk, the hint of something he couldn’t place.  Breathing in, Shirou couldn’t suppress the whine that rumbled in his chest.  Couldn’t stop moving and finding himself straddling John’s lap as the returner to ancestry’s scent thickened around him.

“It makes me want to give in,”  the whimper as Shirou trailed his hand down John’s neck, “such a thick scent, an alpha in his prime.  Such strength that your scent is giving off, hmmm,” a low moan as his soul escaped, baring himself to the older man.  Shirou could feel his cock twitch and fill, wanting nothing more than to be pushed down and fucked.  To be dominated by this returner to ancestry.  Reaching up to pull the cigarette from John’s lips, pushing it into the dirt before licking at the male’s bottom lip, tracing the seam of the slightly chapped lips.  Unable to help himself, losing himself in the fire that built up inside him, Shirou grabbed the hand that had been slowly moving towards his chest and brought it downward.

Deep down Shirou knew he couldn’t get carried away. Couldn’t risk this temporary home for a moment of unimaginable pleasure with someone who was already spoken for.  Despite his thoughts, he found himself pushing himself against the hand he held, rubbing his cloth covered flesh against John’s palm.  The groan that escaped his lips resembled the older man’s name, a plea for more.

“See?”  He panted against John’s lips, struggling to speak through the haze that the male’s scent has created in his head, struggling to keep his eyes open to look into John’s.  “Your scent alone is intoxicating alone.  So overpowering and telling me to submit to you,” a low whine as a hand crept up to cup the back of his head while finger tips rubbed against the base of his ears, “your scent alone tells me so much.”  A low moan as the rubbing continued along his ears, fingers pressing against his straining flesh.  Dropping his head on John’s shoulder, rubbing his cheek against the stubble that covered the older man’s skin, trembling as he slipped back into his native tongue, confessing his desires to John without him knowing what he was saying.

“You have no idea, John, of how much you turn me on.  Your scent alone makes me want to bend over for you.  Make you come from just my mouth.  I want you to fuck me.”

Shirou shuddered as he rubbed, lips whispering his confessions into the male’s ear.  Tasting the sweat that dotted the sun soaked skin, pheromones that the male wasn’t aware that he was releasing, everything he could taste on his tongue.  Muffling a sound of a surprise as the hand that had been cupping his cock slipped around, tugging at his pants to rub at the base of his tail.  If only the fingers that teased his tail would move down, push in and touch him in the way he touched himself, imagining the older male fucking him.

Pushing against John’s lap, feeling the responding hardness, Shirou’s lips found purchase against John’s neck.  A brief suck, licking at the male’s neck before taking control of the hand at the base of his tail.

“This is what I want,” Shirou murmured against John’s skin, hearing the thick swallow and a heavy groan as Shirou pushed the older man’s fingers past the curve of his ass to the hole he wanted the man to fuck.  “You don’t know how many times over the past few weeks that I wanted you to touch me.”  Biting down on his lower lip as rough fingertips teased his hole, hoping that once he let go of John’s hand that the male would continue.  Sink into him, not just his fingers but the hard flesh he could feel under those clothes.

Uttering a low whine when he gave the hand a gentle shove, feeling a thick finger pushing inside his body.  Struggling to hold himself upright when all he wanted to do was to slump over and ride that finger until a second one joined, Shirou lifted his head, catching the flush that dusted John’s cheeks.  What light there was allowed him to catch the glazing of dark eyes, the scent that had originally pulled him in became thicker, blossoming to something he never thought he would ever catch, especially from one that already had a partner.  It was harder to fight the urge to just push the returner to ancestry’s down and just fuck himself on John’s cock.  A sharp whine that trailed off to a low trill as a second finger pushed against the first, sinking deeper.

Skipping his tongue past parted lips, tasting the lingering cigarette before kissing the male liked he wanted.  He wasn’t expecting John to participate, it was enough for him that John was allowing him such a chance, but when he felt a tongue pushing against his, he couldn’t stop the sound of surprise.

“Do it,” he pleaded when he pulled back, biting down on scarred lips, “push your fingers inside me.   Fuck me with them and make me come,” pushing back against the fingers, riding them slowly.  Through his sweaty bangs, watching John as his brow furrowed, pulling his two fingers out to tug at the clothing that hindered further movement.

Pushing himself away just enough, trembling hands quickly working at the stubborn fastenings of his pants.  Cursing under his breath as the buttons slipped from his grasp, a sound of relief when John slapped his hands away to pull and tug the clothing down to his knees.  Biting down on the inside of his cheek, moving as much as he could with his legs restricted, Shirou reached for John.  Curling his fingers under the male’s chin, taking swollen lips in a kiss, moaning into it as John’s fingers pushed back inside with more force.  Hissing in a breath, licking along the edges of the older man’s teeth, Shirou rode back against the thrusting fingers in the hopes that they’d brush up against that one spot that he knew he had.

It took everything he had to form the words, dying to tell John to push deeper and harder.  Sharp teeth finding his bottom lip, the tugging as dark eyes narrowed at him, grunting out an answer with a twist of his wrist, a snarl crossed his face as fingertips found what he wanted.

Ripping his head away to cry silently, clenching his teeth as pleasure raced up his spine with every push and rub.  This was what he wanted, needed this as much as he needed his next breath.  To ride John’s fingers in a way he wanted the male’s cock.  Stealing lips once more, moving his hand between their bodies to rub the hard flesh that pushed against him.  Curling his fingers around the formed flesh, feeling the twitching and the sound of disappointment the rumbled out as his hand moved upward, following the light trail of hair up.  The raised scars under his fingertips, the heavy beating of a heart and the look of uncertainty that crossed the older man’s face.  Shirou didn’t have to voice, didn’t have to guess what John was thinking and worrying.

Biting down on his lower lip as John pushed his fingers in deeper, ignoring the twinging of pain from the lack of lubrication that would help the movement.  Keeping his hand on John’s chest, he slipped the other between them, curling around his hard flesh.  Tossing his worries aside for the moment, barely able to muffle the loud cry as fingertips found his prostate.  Licking his lips, chancing a glance at John and the widening of dark eyes.

“A-again, John,” Shirou leaned in to kiss a corner of his lover’s lips, following the scruff to trace, “it- AH-”  Barely to stop the shout at the press of fingers, the look of satisfaction that crossed John’s face.  The man looked so proud of himself.

Struggling to catch his breath as his hand continued, pushing back against the fingers inside, Shirou had to bite down on the inside of cheek when a hand swatted away his, replacing it with quick and rapid movements.  For a brief moment, Shirou thought he caught a glimpse of John’s soul, the shimmering that struggled to show through before the sharp bite on his chest, a grunt and the scent that took over.

The shout as he came, shuddering in John’s arms as the hand on his cock continued to milk him, whimpering when John pulled his hand away from his body to stare at the rapidly cooling cum on his fingers while his fingers slid free of the grasp Shirou’s body had on them.  Body still trembling, trying to rein in his out of control breath, Shirou chuckled.

“H-” swallowing the younger male tried again, “I haven’t had that much pleasure in years,” a smile crossed his face, feeling the heat become more prominent across his cheeks.

The silence grew, the wolf waited for some sort of reaction from John, other than the puzzled look on his face.

“John?”  Shirou ventured, leaning back as the puzzlement look slid away, only to be replaced by a look that resembled disappointment and regret.  Steeling himself, Shirou pushed himself to his feet and bit his tongue at the twinge of pain from his backside.  When the older man stayed silent, Shirou took a deep breath and pulled up his pants while John finally moved, wiping his cum covered fingers on the sparse grass.

“You don’t have to say anything, John,” a forced smile, the casual tone fake, “this is my fault.  Again,” he didn’t fight the blush that rose on his cheeks, shame filling him for taking advantage on an unwilling person.  “Do you remember earlier today?  When you asked me what you are- what I am.  You didn’t let me finish.  But if you’re still interested,” Shirou paused for a moment, watching as John licked his lips, glancing at him and then a short nod.

“Yeah, I would,” John’s voice low and rough, bringing his newly wiped hand to his nose, sniffing at the lingering scent.  The shadows couldn’t hide the faint coloring of John’s scarred cheeks.

“Then, what I’m going to show you is what I am, what my soul truly is,” the flood of embarrassment at his words.  To do this, bare everything to this man, was something only one did with their lover and partner.  Though John wasn’t anything like that, nothing more than just a friend, Shirou knew that this was something that would help the older man understand what he was talking about.  Taking a deep breath, his ears twitching on top of his head before he closed his eyes and concentrated, forcing his soul out to the world and to the one person who needed to understand a world he hadn’t even known about before he came along.  As his soul settled on it’s outward form, Shirou imagined he heard the sound of surprise, opening his eyes and sitting back on his haunches to gaze that the older male.

“I didn’t think wolves could be this big,” John muttered to himself as he eyed the big creature, leaning forward to get a better look at the canine.  “You didn’t look this big when you were on the back of the horse,” his voiced trailed off as he eyed the wolf before holding out a hand, hesitantly asking of he could touch.  The slight curl of a muzzle and the flash of white before the wolf cocked his head.  Palm outwards, it was the feel of a wet nose against his skin and the rough pull of a tongue in a lick.  Holding back a sound at the feel and the push of a muzzle, moving towards his face.  The wash of warm air and the feel of soft fur against his cheek as the wolf moved closer, resting against his shoulder.  Breathing deeply, catching the smell of the forest and man, everything that the younger male was seemed to be seeped into the animal’s body.  Stilling himself for a moment before he chuckled under his breath, running fingertips through fur that should be coarse, John dropped his head a little in defeat.

“I’ve seen some weird shit in my life.  But I can’t deny what I’m seeing right now.”  A heavy sigh escaping as he looked up to the star covered sky.  “What the hell am I getting myself into?”